Erratic.

Dictionary definition of erratic: Lacking consistency, regularity, uniformity, having no fixed or regular course.

When you get in contact with an 'erratic person', there are likely to be some sparks. An erratic person can never be right, but the fact that he thinks that hes always right, makes him go horribly wrong. There is a distinct difference between the psycho and the erratic. A psycho is a psycho....the psycho has a medical condition. The erratic acts like a psycho, but has no history of any medical condition. An erratic may be familiar with the symptoms of a psychotic, but cant recognize that he shows the same symptoms.

Erratic behavior is one of the finest techniques of getting on to other people's nerves. It is one of the only 'offence mechanisms' of our body, in that it efficaciously maintains the erratic person's sanity and successfully drives the people around him crazy.

How to recognize an erratic person? Simple..........He'll do insane things, with no consideration for basic etiquettes. He'll not be bothered about what he is talking in front of anybody. He'll contradict himself every second sentence he says. He'll talk like he is alexander the great.

When he starts talking, you feel like you're listening to a radio which is receiving garbled frequencies.

People like that in high up positions are purely chickenshit.

xcuse me.

Always wondered why people say 'excuse me' after the sneeze. Does'nt make any difference if you say it later. But that's what we hear everyone do. Its because, sneezing is involuntary and it comes upon suddenly and once out, its a gun blast without a warning and hell, there isn't any point in saying 'Excuse me'. Rather 'sorry' seems to be correct. But most of us have a habit of saying 'excuse me' after you've blown the wind at 150KMPH.

A friend of mine says 'Excuse me' after he's sneezed. But its strange to hear a big guy like him making such a small sneezing sound. Its actually odd to hear that 'excuse me' when you havent even heard the sneeze itself !!! I once got myself out of his way when he said 'excuse me', thinking that he's having trouble getting past me !!!

A girl in our college class had a sneeze whose sound was midway between a rat squeaking and a lady shrieking when she spots the former.

My own loud sneeze had once scared my one year old niece so much so that her eyes went wide for a fraction of a second, then she started bawling on top of her voice and later we discovered that she'd wet herself !!! She gave terrified looks on seeing me for the next few days !!!

Then, there is the blaster.....the kind of one, one of our neighbour makes......makes your ears ring for a while. My great grand father had a sneeze like that too. My mom tells me that one day, when great grandpa sneezed, my uncle, upturned his eyes and fainted !!!

Strange post to write after so many days....??

English is a very funny language....some 'peoples' make it even funnier !!!

A certain Mr. XXX from my office (he is from another department) had arranged a picnic for his department people. Now, this department is 30 strong. 7 guys from his department confirmed that they would like to go for the picnic. Apart from the 7 nobody else was going. However later on even these 7 fellas dropped out citing personal reasons. . So Mr.XXX wrote a mail to everyone in his department......It goes this way....

"PICNIC CANCELLED, PICNIC CANCELLED
No Confirmation is received and the peoples who already confirmed now taken the deviation for picnic. No picnic will be arranged henceforth.
Regards,
XXX"

(Note the usage of the english language.....very funny......deviation is a very commonly used official term in our company.)

Now, it so happened that another fellow from that department fwded the mail to RV, a guy in our department. It so happens that, earlier Mr XXX had tried to arrange a cricket match in the same fashion with our department's cricket team.....and that had also been cancelled on account of the non-availability of his department's cricket team members...

RV wrote a mail to Mr. XXX saying.....
Sorry to interrupt, but if you can’t arrange for a simple picnic program…..why did you ask us to arrange for a cricket match……….?
No thanks or regards,
RV

Mr XXX saw the reply.....he wasnt at all happy that the mail (the one about the picnic being cancelled. ) which should have been circulated within his department only, was sent to RV who is from another department and who made fun of him. Mr. XXX thought that the mail was 'divulged' to RV by some lady who is in Mr. XXX dept.

Mr XXX then sent a 'scorcher'....to RV.....
"It seem that someone ( I don’t know who but I don’t want to insult a Who.. , she is atleast loyal with the one who pays her ) from my dept have stabbed my dept.
Do you feel that arranging a picnic with such peoples is a simple program? I don’t bother about such peoples also. But still it was managed and cancelled because two of my friends are not available for the picnic due to genuine reason. Anyway there is no personal with you. I don’t want to loose friends. Atleast like u. I don’t want to stretch this issue which may create a nuisance to us and all ,who are involved in this mail. I havenot copy this mail to anyone.
Requested to you ( atleast) Become a wise man.
I don’t want to start a day with such mail.
With Warm Regards
XXX"

Wow !!! I know I arent an expert in the english language.....but this is simply horrible grammar, vocab and spelling....I dont know how this fellow writes his official mails?

Mentor.

When it comes to professional life.......nobody can be depended upon, to lend you any 'support' or 'help'. You are on your own, a loner, singular. Whatever problems you have, you have to face them yourself. This belief makes life easier. However, before you reach this conclusion , there are some people whom you call as, your mentors. They would seem like 'born leaders' to you. You start 'hero worshipping' them. You cannot find any fault with them. They seem like the greatest and the coolest of people to work under. Everything seems to be so easy around them. They encourage you for the good work you've done, cover up your mistakes and fight it for you, when you are passing through difficult phases. Then, one fine day you realise that they aren't that calm and cool. They crack under pressure and when this happens, they behave strangely, so much so, that you start wondering whether this is the same person. You start wondering whether he was cool as a cucumber before, or just plain carefree and careless? Your earlier opinion takes a beating and you start questioning and revising your own beliefs on mentor-ism and 'born leadership' skills. Period.

3 awesome photos.

Given below are three of some 'interesting' snaps, which have been captured by me or my shutterbug friends........Thought I'd put them on the blog and write something about it......

The above is a picture taken by one of my best friends, KC. Its a truly fantastic snap. The story goes that the lady who lives next door to KCs place, had to go outstation , and had her son draw this 'poster'.Maybe, the lady did not have the time to inform the milkman who delivers milk at her place. This 'simple representation', which is placed between the metal grill of the front door, makes it amply clear that milk is NOT to be delivered !!! A huge NO MILK sign, a cow below it (who gives milk, as we all know!!) and an arrow towards what seems to be a plastic bag in which milk is delivered !!! An amazing imaginative piece of drawing by a boy !!!

'JANTS' toilet.

Spelling mistake. Its ok. Everyone is not perfect in english after all. And it conveys the meaning does'nt it? Afterall, who'll look at the grammar and spelling sign if mother nature calls urgently?

And why is this grown-up man standing in a plastic bucket? Does he think its funny? The reality is, he is collecting trash from dustbins and then throwing them into that big blue bucket. When the bucket is filled to its full capacity, the man stands on the trash, forcing it down further, so that more trash can be added to the bucket !!! This photo is taken by another of my best friends, Rohan, who captured this snap at the time when office boys collect trash from all the dustbins in office.

I have always wondered why an auto-rickshaw driver sits on one side of the seat......side as in.....the very edge of the seat. My dad told me that since the engine of the autorick is beneath the seat.....it gets hot and the driver's bums must be feeling the heat. Hence the odd position.
When I had once tried to think reasonably, I figured that maybe, it is ergonomically convenient for the autorick driver to turn the steering handle, if he sits to one side as he gets a better position to outstretch his arms while making a full turn. Ergonomically convenient or not.....it doesnt do any good to their driving.......they are the most horrible, uncouth and arrogant drivers in this world. As for the funny part of it.........it sometimes looks as if they are planning to bail out in the middle of the ride!!!

"We dont work this way, Son!!!"

Consultants or consulting companies are knowledge based. The measure of a good consultant is by the knowledge he has in his field of expertise. If an end user firm is planning to hire a consulting company to do its job it has to make sure that management from its side is experienced, tough, intimidating and is able to handle the people of the consulting company, who in turn are bound to think that, knowledge-wise, they are a cut above their client. In short, client project manager should have good management skills so that he can derive desired results from a bunch of bloat heads. 

Early in my consulting company career life  (Its not that I'm an old man now.....but right now much more work experienced than I was then)  I worked with such a project manager. He was working on extention duty in the client's company. Being highly experienced he was assigned as the project manager of that particular project. I remember him bustling around the office corridors with the energy of a horse. Slim, fit looking and a sort of radiance on his face is how I would describe him (I have observed that, any man who gets to yell at 10 different people a day has a 'radiant face'!!!)  He used to be on his toes and used to keep people on theirs too. He was given a tight schedule of around 1 year to complete the project, and such was his 'power' that he managed to get it done in a span of 8 months!!! He was an expert at commercial negotiations with vendors, he used to participate in them, himself and take command from the commercial group people......Every time a vendor tried to quote a very high price......he would somehow convince them to quote lower and bring their pricing down. A vendor once quoted a delivery schedule of 24 weeks, to which Mr. N (I'll call him that) replied "20 weeks and thats final, I am 68 years old now, I am getting older, I arent sure if I can make it till 24 weeks!!!" The vendor was down to 22 weeks in the next 15 minutes of discussion.  

He was a good observer too. When I first sat for a commercial discussion meeting, I was quite nervous.....there were a lot of bigwigs from the client's side, vendor's side and I was sitting in the meeting in the capacity of an engineer who had technically evaluated and accepted the vendor's offer. He noticed this and voiced his opinion in front of everyone......"Dont be nervous young man, I ain't gonna eat you." 

He had once told a vendor, "Mr. R, you look quite good with that scar on your neck, so please quote a good price!!!" (There was actually no relation between the good looks and the good price, but then Mr. N was an eccentric old man....he must have been under the impression that he was cracking a good joke!!!)

'Young man' and 'Son' were his favourite words. He used to throw them around with the air of a ship's captain addressing a newly inducted midshipman on a frigate.

"Son, why are you taking so much time for this evaluatation?" he asked. "Sir, I need a written confirmation from the vendor. He's not replying to my email since the past 2 days" I said. 

"Son, I have worked in this bloody business for 30 years......we ask for confirmations across the table, in my company, why do you want it thru email? Call him today, record the minutes of that meeting, ask him to sign it. If he doesnt come, reject his offer, we have many more vendors willing to take the offers, is that clear?" he said. "Crystal." I replied. 

 I once made a very bad technical error. The gravity of the error was such that he called me personally to his cabin (he was given a temporary cabin in our company, so that he could personally interact with our people, on a day to day basis) ....."How long have you been working in this company, young man?" he yelled the minute I entered. "Since the past 8 months, sir" I replied (I was a trainee then). He stopped for a moment and told me "That figures why you made a mistake. Sorry, I yelled that way. Its ok, we'll rectify the error somehow, I probably didnt know where my office's washroom was when I was at your level of experience." 

The project was completed in a span of 8 months (engineering phase) as I mentioned earlier and the plant was commissioned after the next 3 months. Wont ever forget Mr. N's very powerful personality, though. He is something I would like to be when I am older......maybe not that eccentric or blunt, but yes, something of that sort.  

The man who taught me how to drive!!!

Writing about another character in life who has influenced me. He was very much like my dad in the sense that he too like my dad, gave me instructions while driving a car!!! This is because, that person, was the one who taught me how to drive a car. I am writing about my car driving school instructor!!! A man by the name of 'Shiekh'. Tall fellow, and quite broad too. In fact he was so much of both length and breadth that he seemed to almost pop out from the small maruti car I was trained in. When he sat down in the car it used to 'shake', hence the name 'shiekh' (bad joke, a thousand pardons!!) His style of teaching was different.....he did not take you on the most 'low traffic' roads, even on your first day. He took you on roads which were medium crowded. He hated impudent ladies both on the road and on the drivers seat. He used to particularly hate the lady who was before me on the training schedule. Used to say....."She's a dimwit...Shows the right indicator while turning left and she's slightly confused on the 'keep left' rules."
"You are the best trainee i ever had", he used to say to me (Later on i learnt that he said this to everyone...except the ladies.......it did give the nervous driver the much required encouragement and the confidence to learn the ropes.)
When anyone got in the way of that small maruti car......he used to hurl the choicest of abuses at them......
Then i was terrified of driving in traffic (who isnt? at least initially everyone is...). I remember telling him that i was afraid that i would hurt someone by knocking them over...!!! Next day he took me on to the most crowded road in the city and told me to drive at the speed of 70 Km/hr.....I did as he told me to.....and he kept applying his pair of brakes wherever necessary.......as we came to the end of the road.....he asked me...."Did you knock down anyone?"
"No" I said.......so he says..."See there's nothing to be afraid of!!!"
Thats because you applied the brakes when required, wise guy, I had thought.......but then i realised that.....the fear of knocking someone had somewhat subsided........(It had been overcome by the fear of getting knocked over by a stupid maniac in a maruti car!!!!)
On the day of the driving test.....he had come with me ....and seemed to know everyone in the RTO office!!! Thats how everyone passes the test in India!!! I passed too. Today, Whatever little I know about driving a car is due to 'shiekh' and of course my dad!!!

Highlight of the day? Why?

Today was a day of varied activities. Day started out as usual with me getting up late for office and reaching office on flexi time. However, I attended half day of office coz a friend (we were engineering college classmates) of mine got married today and I attended his marriage ceremony (Or the latter part of the marriage ceremony which consists of food!!) after half day of office. Met a lot of old college friends whom I had lost touch with. It was like being back to college all over again without the lectures and the study activities !!! After that we went to a nearby gaming centre and playzone to play rounds of bowling, pool and dodge-em cars!! Went to Barista coffee....to have a nice cool large glass of their 'frappe latte'. After that went back home to find that mom and dad had planned a nice 'investment schedule' for me to follow up.....Lectures on financial investments are not uncommon at my place, especially these days when the global economy is down and investors are losing out on investments made,a year ago. This condition is in turn making the same investors hope that if they invest now (when market is down) they'll make a profit on those investments (Pardon the repetition of the term 'invest'. But I have to give you an idea of how I feel when those lectures start!!!). So after hearing the lecture out and promising my mom and dad that I would henceforth invest my money thoughtfully, I left for the gym.
There is a four way junction where traffic is normally blocked......most of the times due to traffic indiscipline. As I stopped my bike behind a vehicle in a line.....I saw a man......must be around 60 years of age......dressed in civilian clothes blowing a whistle and directing traffic......that too in a neat fashion. I dont know whether he was a real traffic policeman (But then they arent that old....when in service) or maybe from a reserve department. But somehow I think he must just be a volunteer, one of those who get out from their cars and start giving directions to sort out traffic jams.
I met one of my friends at evening, we went for a ride in his newly 'serviced' car and told him about this 'old-man-directing-traffic' incident. "Yeah I saw him the other day, too. He was there in the afternoon as well as in the evening. Dont know who he is though. The old geyser must have gone mad after drving in our country's traffic conditions!!!" said my friend.

Now there are some days like these when you are involved in a lot of activities, sit for lot of meetings, meet a lot of people and see a lot of sights (sights like seeing your friend in a wedding dress!!!). But there are times when there is just one thing, a highlight of the day which you do not forget. And I dont know why but the man who was directing the traffic....left a lasting impression on me......
Dont know who he was or what he was...........but the fact was that he was old and still enthusiastically blowing a whistle and directing traffic with the precision of a real traffic policeman!!! He, probably, wasnt even paid for doing it. People could have just dismissed the old man as crazy old fool.....but it wasnt the case.....his directions were being followed and before long traffic was back to its normal free flow!!!

Of couples and bachelors

Ever been out on a trip with an 'unmarried couple or couples'? A trip in which you are familiar with both the boy and the girl, both being good friends of yours, but who are going steady with each other?
In such a condition you are likely to be in trouble unless their is someone else who is just as single as you are!!!
My personal experience (personal experience, here, would also include my friends' experience!!) tells me, 'God save you if you are on a trip / picnic with an 'unmarried couple''. Because most of the times this happens the committed are likely to get cosy with each other and most likely to forget that you have NOT ceased to exist!!! How? Let me explain....with an example,
Today as I was having one of our heart to heart discussions with my dear friend A......he told me such an instance where he got stuck up in.....
Me: So what happened? How was the new years eve?
A: Don't even ask.....T (girl), H (girl) and P (boy) were to come for the trip....
Me: Great!! I know them, they are fun, arent they?
A: Yeah they are, separately.......not together, unfortunately, at the last moment K (boy) also joined in.....
Me: Ok....then?
A: Then what? T and P are going steady and H and K are going steady......so i was the only 'bachelor' in the group....
Me: Happens yaar......dont worry.....you'll find someone soon.....you must be feeling alone!!!
A: Ass......I wasnt talking about that!!! The thing is, we were supposed to be spending time with each other, with everyone .....Instead of that the couples were together and I was left sitting like a bloody lonely duck!!!
Me: That's what I told you....you must be feeling alone.....go find someone....
A: Idiot!!! You try going out with a couple sometime......they are so 'within themselves'
Me: I have been with a couple many times.....
A: Who?
Me: My mom and dad......hahahahaha!!!!
A: Have you lost it today? Must be that meeting with your boss that's left you talking nonsense...
Me: Hahahaha!! OK, sorry.....pun intended......go on......
A: So these couples...wanted to spend time with each other and dragged me along to just give it a 'feel' new year eve's celebration......and I didnt even know that K was coming or I would've guessed it was a couples' celebration......In the end I had to sit alone on the living room sofa, eat pizza and coke that we had brought from outside......(because these ppl wanted to get to the apartment room early!!!) and watch TV all night long while the 'others in the group' were busy with each other.....in the other rooms!!! They didnt even wait till 0000 hrs (for the new year to start) I watched the fireworks alone....
Me: They watched it too......but maybe from somewhere else!!!

I had some similar experiences as my friend did, but then atleast I was spared as their were other 'bachelors' in the group and I was spared of the 'wrath' of couple entries.
Another friend of mine once told me, that, he never had the feeling of being left out even when he was in a 'committed' type group.........
"Your group is an exceptional case, then", I told him !!!

Wisecracking Barber!!

Going to the barber's is quite a regular activity for men who like to keep their hair trim. At times, there are some interesting conversations which go on between the barber and his customer......There was one such conversation today.........

Customer (after having his haircut done) : How much for the haircut?
Barber: Rs 40, sir
Customer: Rs 40!!! That's a bit high priced for a haircut isnt it?
Barber: No sir, prices of all the things have skyrocketed.
Customer: That's OK. But the other day...i went to this other place, he cut my hair for Rs 30.
Barber: Sir, our rate is fixed.
Customer (with a grin on his face): Even the amount of hair that grows on my head is somewhat more or less the same...still i have to pay more. Moreover, you cut my hair, so I give my hair and still have to pay for it??
Barber (with a grin on his face now): As i told u sir, whatever the amount of hair on your head, our rate is fixed and as for your hair which you dont have now or which you have 'given', do you want it back? Its right here on the floor....i can pack it up for you......
Customer (hurriedly hands over Rs 40 to the barber): Wisecracker!!!

Mumbai's taxiwallas

Got to hand it over to the taxiwallas (yellow and black cab drivers) of Mumbai. The emperors of the roads, the kings of ‘guerilla’ driving tactics. The mavericks, the rovers, riders on the storm, highwaymen. Supremely confident of their driving skills and a ruthless attitude towards both, the other vehicles on the road and their own taxi’s body paint and finishing works. Ever the pinpoint precision masters, they can slide through gaps, which you wouldn’t even consider taking if you were on a two wheeler. Style masters too….. one hand on the gear, the other casually applying corrections to the steering, elbow resting on the window. ‘Neither the left lane, nor the right, keep it down the mid and leave the others in doubt’ . That’s their motto and each and every taxi driver follows this rule. While they are the part of mumbai’s very efficient public transport service, people would prefer the bus or the train over the taxi any day. The only reason and the a very obvious one…..travelling by a taxi is expensive….if ur company pays for it, fine. Otherwise, you’ll be robbed clean of a considerable sum of money, which is calculated, by comparing the taxi’s meter reading to the respective values on the tariff cards or sometimes by the sheer word of the taxi driver!!! Its your choice!!!

My first gym trainer

Dont know why i'm writing about this character........neither is he a very close friend nor an enemy, nor a very idealistic man, nor a great hero, nor is he been a great personality, nor someone famous, nor all of the above. He's just one of those 'barely noticeable or remembered' parts of life. Yet it would be fun to describe him and so the post.

I was once exercising at the gym....doing some warmup......when this fellow enters the gym and says a jaunty 'hi' to the gym owner. This jaunty fellow is quite 'big'. But hes big in a 'physically fit' sort of way.....great physique. So he takes a look around the gym walks up to me and says........Darling.....Please wear track pants next time you workout. I stopped mid exercise and looked at him wondering where the 'darling' came from.....is he gay or what? I told him that i was wearing track pants. So then he takes a look at me and says....oh yeah, i got confused by the color, it looks like a light coloured trouser from some distance. (I am still unable to figure how he thought that my grey coloured 'perfectly looking, track pants' were a pair of trousers....maybe he was joking.) I came to know that he was to be our new gym instructor, he was the gym owner's friend and had worked out for around 10-12 years.......and yeah, he did have a habit of saying 'darling' when he addressed any of the boys in the gym. So from that day on he started giving out routines to everyone. He believed in doing exercises perfectly, in proper form. He used to say, "Take lower weights if necessary, but do the exercise correctly and then graduate to higher weights". At one time there used to be at least 25 people in the gym. This trainer used to give out 25 different routines to all these 25 people and could still spot anyone doing exercise in improper fashion and correct him. He did have a habit of cracking bad jokes, of course. The bad jokes were so bad, that it would send your mind reeling and if by chance at the same time he cracked a joke, you had a weight in your hands you would literally 'lose power' and drop the weights!!!! All in all he had a very enthusiastic presence in the gym and would keep encouraging the lot of us. I left that gym after a year or so for my university exams. After that i went to another gym. I changed around 4-5 gymnasiums. Just around a year back i joined another one, only to meet my first trainer there. But in this gym hes not a trainer. He works out. His jokes have gone from bad to worse. He keeps telling me about his diet and is quite pompous about his '18 years body building experience.' He is now middle aged and hes not quite the same great shape as he was when i first trained under him. However he is still under the illusion that he actually has visible 'ab muscles' which he certainly does not, coz hes got a great big, round fat tummy. Inspite of all the above, He maintains a very good form and works out for around 1.5 hours everday for 4-5 days a week, 6 days also quite often. He's very fit, dont remember that hes taken a break from the gym anytime. Still tells me at times, "Maintain good form, never sacrifice good form for higher weights" This philosophy is, at least, being followed.

Stay in touch? Sometimes I'd rather not!!!

It is sometimes hard to keep in touch with friends. There are ones who will write mails to you on the busiest of days. Replying will get delayed until you totally forget about it. Others wont write mails anyways........they'll call you up when you are attempting to 'balance a tightrope' or something and have no other option but to cancel the call or answer it only to tell them that you'll call em later. One of my friends once commented that i never bother staying in touch. A week later i called him up and he said he was busy and he would call up later. He did call up later but then i was busy and then the cycle continued until both of us quit. I do send some forwarded mails to people at times. But then some people have a problem with that too......They say.........what the heck? why do you keep sending forwarded mails?
I cant reason with this kind of logic...........What is wrong in sending forwarded mails? Its alright if you say "I didnt like the mail" or something......but saying something like......"This fellow sends only forwarded mails".............Is that a crime? Seems to be with majority of the people....they dont like fwd mails or fwd sms. I always sms (not fwd sms) one of my friends who stays abroad. Diwali wishes, holi wishes, birthday wishes etc. However these too are expected to be on time. If the sms goes in the afternoon of the special day....i get a reply sms saying that.....Thanks....but did you forget to wish me in the morning?
My sister herself told me that she hates my mails because they are fwd.......these days i am sending her more just to irritate her.
One of my other friends always calls up at night.......night here means......'midnight' or 'ghastly hour of the night'. One of my conversations with him when he called up.........

J: Heeeellllllllooooo!!! How are you?
Me (Thinking): Huh? How would I be at 0100 in the morning, stupid?
Me: I am fine.
J: Were you sleeping?
Me (Thinking): No, I was dancing on the tune of Lucky Ali's' shyam savere teri yaadien aati hai'
Me: Yes, I was sleeping.
J: Oh, I am sorry. I'll call up later.
Me (Thinking): Later????? How later than this would you want to call up?????
Me: No, lets talk now....anyway....i ain't feeling sleepy now.

So we talk and talk until he says,
J: Ok, chal ill hang up.....You call me up too sometimes, yaar.....main hi phone karta hu tereko!!
Me (Thinking): Haan woh bhi subah ke ek baje!!!!
Me: Ok, chal bye!!! Will call you up!!!

What i'd like to add here is that, its fine to keep in touch with friends, in fact, one should make efforts to stay in touch. But then, i wouldnt expect them to return the favor!!! Some friends are friends no matter how 'Out of touch' they may seem to be. I know that this post presents a somewhat indifferent attitude on my behalf.........but then thats how I am and I dont think that part of me will change !!!

The sneeze of God

The best riddle i have ever heard...... (Got it through an email, on my office ID today)

If you meet God, and he sneezes, what do you say to him?

Reply 1:
Bless Thyself!!!!

Reply 2:
Stop sneezing. There are enough hurricanes already. No need for more.

Reply 3:
I didnt know you can catch a cold, God. Is there any coldarin in heaven?

Reply 4:
I didnt understand the riddle.

The 4th reply came from a person in my office who was working busily.....I went upto his desk and asked him what he was doing......He mumbled something absent mindedly and I thought it was best that he be left alone with his work. As i turned my back on him, I sneezed loudly.................
He winced and said "God bless you"!!!

Restrooms

So there was this new employee......his name is Mr D. Mr. D joined office a few days ago. As a new employee he was given a form to fill up. It was a strange sort of form which had all sorts of questions like ......Do you know who ur mentor is? Do you know where the office canteen is located? Do you know who is your group head? etc.....I hadnt filled one like that when i joined the company.....Thought that it must be some new concept of our HR and admin department who don't have any better jobs than to think of such so called 'HR policies'. So anyway.....this new employee answered all the questions correctly except for one. He asked me......"Can you tell me where employees can take a break? Maybe lie down or sleep for some time if they are feeling ill?" I told him that i often slept on my office chair and sometimes also during meetings on conference room chairs and that u didnt need a room just for sleeping in office at least!!!
I then saw his form and found out what the question was.............

Do you know where the restrooms of your office are located?

Was this ignorance? Or the funny language called 'English'?
Both.........I'd say.....

The 'art' of multitasking.

Ability of multitasking at work (working on two activities at a time or working on two projects)…..what is it? A boon or a bane? They say many hands make less work. Its more like………..if there are many hands on a project each of them work less than they actually should. Then comes, out of the blue, a man (or a woman) who’s willing to do all the work. He takes over and instead of ‘many’ hands, two hands are sufficient. Such men call themselves multitaskers, bosses call them work horses and still others simply say they are fools!! So what are the flipsides of multitasking? Many, I would say. First of all and possibly the biggest of them is that you do a lot more work than others and still get paid the same as others. Secondly, bosses start taking you for granted. Thirdly, its additional responsibility and even the best of multitaskers are at times on the very edge of their mental stability. In ‘short’, multitasking can be defined as, ‘The ability to work more efficiently than others on more jobs, so that you are ultimately loaded with more work, which is expected to be completed in more or less the same time in which it would have been completed by two or more persons. This results in you having more than one boss, who are more and more dependent on you for the completion of their work which in turn brings in more responsibilities and more pains in more parts of the body apart from your neck and ass.
Advantages? Well, First of all, you get change. When you are bored of one activity you can take up the other and keep switching. Each activity serves as a change from the other. Next, you can make your boss suffer, if he’s given you a firing or if you suddenly develop some kind of grudge against him. How? Remain absent for a period of 5-6 days. His world of work will go awry and he’ll suffer. He’ll start wishing that you come back quickly, and when you do, he’ll either be soft towards you or yell at you. In either case you’ll have the mental satisfaction of ruffling his feathers a bit. Thirdly, when you multitask once in your work life, you’ll realize that its foolish and never do it again!!!

Whatcha say?

P.S: This post like the others is quite sarcastic in nature. Any resemblance of ability to the one given above in a person living or dead is strictly coincidental.

The hair dryer....

Orkut scrap to my sister: When are you coming here?
Sister’s reply scrap: Oh ur missing me already?
My reply scrap: No. The foreign chocolates’ stock is over.
Sister scrap: You little devil…..You could have atleast said that you are missing me and then gone on to the topic of chocolates?
My reply: Hehehehehe!!! I am a straightforward guy!!!

My elder sister came to India a few days back. We had a lot of fun for 4-5 days after which she went to stay with her in laws. One day,

Sister: R, do you have a hair dryer?
Me: Yes, I stand near the window. The breeze helps.
Sister: Stupid nut….Give me a hair dryer. And by the way, I had one which I kept here before leaving for the states. Give me that one, right now.
Me: Ok ok….don’t look at me that way, you scare me!!!
Sister (gives me a ‘friendly’ punch): Cmon get it bozo!!!
Me: I will have to find it. I dunno where I kept it.
Sister: But I had kept it in my cupboard. Did you use it? You don’t dry your hair with the hair dryer right? You stand by the window don’t you?
Me: I’ll find it, don’t worry, ok?
Sister: Quick, quick, be snappy. Otherwise……
Me: Otherwise your hair’ll dry off by itself, isn’t it? Hehehehe!!!
Sister: Shut up and search.
Me (Finally finding it after half an hour): Found it!!!!
Sister: Great, where was it?
Me: In the shoe cupboard…
Sister: What was it doing there?
Me: I just remembered……. I used it for drying my shoes!!!

Stopping by the woods on a snowy evening- A poem by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there's some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

-Robert Frost.

This poem is very popular among literature experts. Its called 'Stopping by Woods on a snowy evening'. It was written by Robert Frost in the year 1922. There are many websites which give a detailed analysis of what the poem could mean and how its verses were thoughtfully written by the poet. All I know, is that its a nice little poem, with a beautiful meaning which is presented in a somewhat discrete fashion. The poet is travelling on horseback and comes to a forest which is lovely and inviting. He is obviously very tired after a long ride on the horse (His backside must be hurting or he must have lost the feeling of having one!!!) He wants to wait and watch the snow-capped trees and the frozen lake. There is no one to stop him, as the owner of the land lives far away and wont have a clue that someone is going to trespass his soil. He is imagining the peace, quiet and the sights he'll enjoy sitting in the woods when his horse gives its harness bells a shake as if to tell the poet that this is not where they were supposed to go. (Yeah!! Either that or the horse is tired too of carrying its master on its back!!) The poet then comes out of his reverie and realizes that he has to reach his destination, he has duties which have to be completed, before he can rest and hence he has to drive the lovely thoughts to the back of his mind and continue on course.
The last lines of the poems are one of my friend's favourites verses. Hope he reads this post.

Tai

Young kid to his elder sister (Both around 6 yrs and 10 yrs of age respectively): Lets play a game of Ludo!!
Elder sister: Shut up and let me read this book.
Kid: Please, PLEASE, lets play a game of ludo.
Elder sister: I told you that I am reading….didnt I? I wont play with you.
Kid: Please, Please, Please, preeetty please……..(goes on saying ‘please’ till his sister gets fed up at his constant pleading and agrees to play with him.)
Elder sister: Ok. This time I’ll play with you…..but you’re not a good loser…..dont cry if u lose….
Kid: Ok.

The Kid loses the game of Ludo and starts crying.

Kid: you cheated…you cheated.. I could have won if you didn’t cheat (He knows perfectly well that his sister did not cheat..and won fairly, but he is just angry at not having won the game.)
Sister: I didn’t cheat….Ludo is a game of luck….I had better luck…and you are sore and you are angry just because you lost…..you loser, ur a loser…..ur a loser….ur a loser!!!!!
Kid: NO!! NO!!! NO!!! I am not a loser and I am NOT ANGRY!!!!
Sister: Oh yeah? Hahahahaha..!!!
Kid: You wait….you wait…..Ill fix you (Starts crying crocodile tears and this time……turns his volume up intentionally and starts bawling at the top of his voice to get the attention of his mother.)

The kid and his sister’s mother comes rushing in the room. Seeing the kid cry and the sister laugh….she makes an obvious choice as to who the culprit is…..

Mom: You should understand…..you are the elder one….he is young as yet……
Sister: But mom….
Mom: No buts…..I will punish you……no going out to play today evening.
Sister: NO!!! NO!!! NO!!! (Starts crying)
Kid (After his mom goes out from the room): Hahahaha!!!

After some time Kid starts feeling bad for his sister……

Kid: I am sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.
Elder sister: Shut up and let me read a book…..I am not talking to you….
Kid: But you just did……!!

This was a flashback of the times I had with my sister. Back then we were the best friends and the worst enemies. This was one instance where I got the better of her.
Mom always used to tell us that we shouldn’t fight, because a time will come when we will start living separately.
Well, its been quite a while that my elder sister got married and settled down with her husband in the USA. She is coming back for a vacation, tomorrow. So I am happy. I don’t exactly miss her all the time but then its not that I don’t miss her at all. Those memories of yesteryears have started flooding back as I await her arrival.