Saturday, July 9, 2011

Delhi belly and Bbuddah hoga tera baap.

Both these movies released at the same time. Probably on the same date. Yet they're quite different. Personally, I have liked one and hated the other.

Delhi Belly.
This movie was given a thumbs down for the toilet humour, a scene or two of vulgarity and the use of abusive language. On the other hand, some critics lauded it for the filmmaker's bold comedy.

If you ask me, I enjoyed every moment of everything that's there in the movie. The story is okish...the one in which there are a lot of mix ups. The mix up routines similar to those seen in quite a lot of movies of recent times...one of them which comes to mind is the kunal khemu starrer '98'.

The casting is good. Imran khan, kunal roy kapoor and vir das, play the perfect roles of bachelors. The house which they live in fits the description of a 'bachelor's pad' well. Broken fans, plaster coming off the walls, unhygienic conditions and general carelessness. Shenaz Treasurywala looks hot. Its hard to believe that she's 36 (years of age !!:) ) A big 'Wow!!' for her. The villian's role done by vijay raaz has suited him and his 'proficient style' and the timing of his 'gaalis' makes you role on the floor with laughter !!

The film has targeted the young section of the audience of india, which enjoys humour in any form...pure classic or vulgar. Abusive language is part of their everyday lives and as such they like the openness of language used in the film.

Bbuddah Hoga tera Baap
Why the hell did I come to watch this movie? Were my thoughts 10 minutes into the movie. Bbuddah hoga tera baap has been compared with Delhi belly for reasons of being released at the same time and both being comedies.

Most of the critics have even pointed out that Delhi Belly is bad and BHTB is good. All those amitabh fans get a lot of joy by watching Amitabh Bachan in a 'superman' type oldie role. Frankly, amitabh might be good in the movie, coz he's simply the personality no one could match. You can say that, he being what he is, has salvaged a ridiculous show of stupidity.

Sonu Sood is a smart fellow, but his talent has been wasted in the film. I think he could do much better roles ! Sonal Chauhan is undoubtedly a pretty face..but that's about it. Hema malini has been aping nirupa roy these days....what with the crying in BHTB and other movies like 'baghban'. Raveena tandon...well best not to say anything.

The movie has amitabh saying something like 'beep beep' whenever any 'gaali' comes to his mind. Another poor joke. It would have been much better if he'd been open about it like vijay raaz in delhi belly.
So the talk about amitabh 'stealing the show' in the movie are all rubbish. There is no show...there is only amitabh.
Overall, if you watch this one after delhi belly after like I did, you're likely to like Delhi Belly than this one ANYDAY !!

Friday, May 13, 2011

Is God an Instrumentation Engineer?

We have been titled as 'Jack of all trades'. I think it is likely that we're 'master of all'. Frankly, its nothing to brag about.

This is the 'occupational hazard' of being an instrumentation engineer. If you work in an engineering company, or are familiar with the working of one, you are no alien to the fact that instrumentation makes up only 10-15 % of the total manhour calculations and also around the same percentage of of the entire budget of the project is dedicated to instrumentation. It is thus, very clear, on paper that we have got less than an ounce of work on the project, when you compare us with biggies like 'Civil' 'Mechanical and 'Piping' (technical departments). In between the huge fabricated vessels, large mechanical rotary equipment like compressors, the intense network of pipe racks throughout the plant, all built on their equally strong and large civil foundations of RCC, it is certainly hard to notice that the huge fabricated vessels have some small tappings, with level sensors, which protect the vessel from overflowing and 'drowning' the plant (its an exaggeration, but its probably the mildest thing that could happen if level controls are not in place !! ). No one would give a damn about those little pressure transmitters at the suction and discharge of compressors...indeed they arent noticeable and I cannot explain how important they are !! Those piperacks, that also accommodate instrument cable ducts and trays. (I cant tell you the purpose of running cables throughout the plant...you must know that yourself instrument engineer or not...if you dont or cant figure that out, you're foolish !!).
The valves, transducers, control systems, the cables, the UPS requirements for all these, the compressor controls, the impulse piping / tubing hookups, Input / Output generation....you name it and we do it...
I thank god, that process engineers do not shirk their responsibility of developing P&IDs. Otherwise we would have to do that too...as P&IDs are 'Piping and Instrumentation Diagrams' !!
Moreover, if the above mentioned equipments do not work, it is most likely that an instrument engineer is called upon first citing suspicions on the malfunction of an instrument in the line rather than the equipment or piping !! I cant remember any examples or I would've written it here. Our problem is that, we do not design equipment that is large in size. But the quantity of the smaller items that make up instrumentation of a plant is larger in number !! For each piece of equipment there might be a 100 instruments !! For 100 equipments the number is quite quite large, if you do the math! Still these small items are lower in cost, but require a lot of design engineering.

In short, they are just like us instrumentation engineers. There are lots of them out in this world who work hard for lesser money than their so called big brothers ...Civil, Piping and mechanical !!

I conclude my small 'essay' with an analogy....
The control system is a system which controls the plant process. Which means that it will alert personnel in case of a hazard, and also trip / shutdown a plant when necessary...and those are just two of the many things it does !!

A control system is like forces of nature which control the earth and its beings.
The 'Forces of nature' were created by God. A very realistic question....Is God an Instrumentation Engineer?? :)

Friday, April 8, 2011

Apna Bazaar

Its official now. Vashi's oldest and most popular supermarket has closed. 'Apna Bazaar' has been closed and now they are going to make a new building in its place. As far as I know, only the ground floor will now house a ministore Apna bazaar in place of the 2 storey superstore.

There was a time when Apna Bazaar was the one and only central hub for shopping. Come Sunday, people crowded into Apna bazaar to shop. It had everything....provisions, pharmacy, toys, bicycles and tricycles, shoes, clothing, stationery, watches, utensils etc. I remember myself going with Mom and Dad almost every sunday back when I was a kid. My sister and I used to help our parents complete their shopping, occasionally slipping goodies like cream biscuits, peanuts, pickwick, cheese and maggi noodles into the shopping basket. In those days, all these items were a treat for us kids !! (still is a treat, but its different now, these 'fancy' items are available in plenty and buying power has increased. Moreover, financially we were not that well to do in those times so our parents rightfully avoided spending on fancy items).

Sometimes I used to get lost inside the store, since there were a lot of rows of racks full of provisional goods. One or two times, I was close to tears, since I couldnt find mom !! Finally, when I did find her I was so happy, I hugged her very tightly and didnt leave mom's side till we reached home !!

On the first floor there was a toys section and I remember that sometimes, me and my sister used to tell mom and dad, we are going to the first floor to look at the toys while they shopped on the ground floor. It was a great joy to look at the toys and discuss our 'prospects' of owning those toys sometime later, when our birthdays would 'entitle' us to ask our parents for those !!!

When shopping was finally over, there used to be a popcorn cart just outside of Apna Bazaar. The man used to sell fresh popcorn for Rs 2 a packet!! Dad bought a packet or two everytime. (If you go to a theatre these days and ask for the smallest portion....its Rs 25 !! Talk about inflation !! ). Sunday shopping was thus a joyful family activity in Apna Bazaar, with the regular popcorn treat !!

As we grew up, vashi grew too, and with the upcoming malls and supermarkets, Apna Bazaar lost a lot of its customers to these big fancy malls. But the advantage remained....Apna Bazaar being a co operative departmental store, rates of provisions have always been subsidized and below the maximum retail prices. Since other supermarkets too offer a subsidy, advantage Apna Bazaar is deuced.
Anyway, 3 cheers for Apna Bazaar, its hard not to feel bad about its closing down. The store is a part of my nostalgia !!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Presentation day

He sees people arriving. He sees them looking at him in a shrewd calculative manner...his attire, his posture, his overall appearance. People gather around, take their seats. He makes the formal exchanges of visiting cards, hopes that the big authority over their would hand his card, for the sake of staying in touch with him. Hoping that Mr. Big Guy would provide him a big market for selling his stuff.
And then starts the presentation. Not that he's much nervous about the presentation. He's done it hundreds of times. He's just slightly worried whether it'll do any good, in terms of increasing his sales, or its just another one of the crappy sessions for a bunch of 'good for nothing' doodle goofy junior employees who are being trained by Mr. Big guy!!
He sees some watching him intently, they're the clever ones, eager to learn, maybe they'll get some business for him !!
He sees some others watching him and smiling at each other, apparently finding him as funny as a joker in a circus, or maybe having a good laugh at the way his tummy makes a big and ridiculous shadow in the light of the projector !!
He watches still others, totally blank, probably not understanding a single word he's uttered !!
The presentation moves on and on, we watches people, some with their eyes wide open, as if deliberately avoiding the temptation of snoozing, some unashamedly doing the same. There is a small 'commotion' as a fellow with a tray arrives. Tea break. Everyone in the dozy lot jumps up to reach out for their cups. Surprisingly, those with their eyes closed are the first ones to get their cups of tea.
By now, the presenter has understood all the people....those who're eager to hear him and those who're ready to sleep !!
Tea time is over, back to the presentation, back to their original activity !!
Presentation moves on and on....there is never enough time....so say the usual... "Since time is short sir, I'll run through these slides quickly and tell you everything in brief."...A good strategy to impress the client. Show him that you know it so well that you can change a long presentation into a short one and still explain everything !! Fact is, the presenter would say the same thing, even if time was enough !!
End of presentation is a 'Thank you' slide. And next is 'Any questions?' Mostly there are none, as most of the people have'nt understood a thing !!
Those who do, ask questions...if the presenter knows the answers (like a good presenter), he'll tell them. If he doesnt...he'll say "Hmm, let me check that and come back to you". Everyone shakes hands, says thank you.

Presentation day in the life of the presenter....thats how it is.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The optimist's journey

My dad had dropped me at the ST stand in vashi, and as soon as I got down from the car, I saw an 'asiad' arrive (Asiads are semi luxury STs or state transport buses) . I climbed into the asiad, which had a lady conductor, who was yelling "Expressway, pune, expressway pune, chala chala chala" (It was a bus going to pune, which would take the expressway route). Usually if you go to pune via the expressway it takes a very short time. When I climbed the bus, it was 12 noon exact. Thinking that I'd be in pune at 1530 hrs latest, I was happy. I had a date with Vrunda at 1700 hrs. As soon as I sat down on a seat, I heard a retching noise. The small girl in front of me, was puking outside the window. Travel sickness. Those with travel sickness puke and others who don't have it feel like puking on seeing them. I got up from that seat and went to another quite some way back. The conductor handed me my ticket and I settled down. As I settled down, I heard the retching again, this time a bit differently. Thinking that the small girl must be really really sick, I started making a music playlist on my mobile so that I could hear songs throughout my journey. I was also thinking about Vrunda, when I heard the retching again, and suddenly realised that its coming from the immediate back seat. There was a small boy there, who was puking. What the hell was happening? Was there a vomiting competition going on?

Ever the optimist, I thought, its good that they are throwing up outside...if it was inside, we would have little puddles of someone's yesterday's l***h. The bus was atleast 10-15 years old I thought with its rattling boards and creaking seats...which is quite normal with these ST buses!!

Unexpectedly, the 'expressway' bus took a detour into the panvel city !! As expected, it got stuck in traffic and it was another half an hour before it reached the panvel bus stand. The bus entered the fuelling station on panvel bus stand and it was around another 25 minutes before we got into the fuel loading bay as there were 5 buses ahead of us !! All passengers were infuriated by this time, obviously !!

Why obviously? Because.....
- The bus had taken the detour into panvel, which was not meant to be...it was an 'expressway' bus....so it had to take the expressway route, which starts before panvel and bypasses all the panvel city traffic, thereby saving travel time !!
- It had entered a fuelling station during a journey. An ST bus does not normally go into fuelling during a journey. This 'activity' also meant wastage of travel time !!

After the fuelling stop, the driver again stopped at the stand for some time (approx 15 minutes). The bus exited the stand through a different route owing to the ongoing road construction. The new route was like a 'village road' and soon all the passengers were being thrown from side to side, up and down and against each others shoulders. My jaw was rattling by the time we had reached the main road again and the boy behind me had a fresh spate of 'waqars'. The time was already 1:30 PM. It had taken a full hour and a half just to exit panvel. By 2 PM we were on the expressway and going smoothly. Luckily the ghats did not have much traffic and we reached the second toll booth by 3 PM. Here the ST made a stop at the 'Kailash Parbat' hotel. Thanks to the coupon system in Kailash Parbat, no one who travels by these buses, gets to eat anything here !!! (The coupon system makes it imperative for people to pay money for their food items, collect coupons and then go to the distribution counter!! The time taken by this process is much more than the time the bus is scheduled to halt!). After the break time was over, the bus conductor started taking a head count. The bus had already pulled out of the parking lot when the conductor completed the head count, and found one head (fellow) missing !!. The driver stopped the bus there itself. A full 5 minutes passed before we saw the missing fellow running towards the bus. The bus conductor reprimanded him... "Kalat naahi kaa ho tumhala? Sangitla 15 minuta tari ardha taasa nantar yeta? Bus jaat hoti ata. Nashib changla hota tumcha." ("Dont you understand? I told you the bus would wait for 15 minutes. The bus was about to leave. It was your good luck that we didnt take off without you!!")
The fellow coolly sat down on his seat without paying the slightest attention to the bus conductor. It was 3:30 PM by this time and pune was atleast an hour away.
The optimist in me reared its head again and said, "Maybe their won't be much traffic in pune city".
So lucky, there wasnt !!!
I reached the pune swargate bus stand at half past 4, the least expected time !!! Half an hour before our date !! I mean, ok I had to rush to grandma's and then get ready, but it could be done !!

My dearest Vrunda was going to pick me up at 5 (In pune, she picks me up, since she's got a two-wheeler !! Its my locational and situational 'majboori' that I cannot do so.). I got ready, and punctual as ever, my Vrunda rang the doorbell at 5 PM sharp !!

We had a lovely date, after such a 'terrible journey'. And of course, in all, I'd say all was'nt well but it ended well !!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Without mercy, without remorse, without compassion

This is a dialogue from the TV series named 'Band of Brothers' based on the story of Easy company 101st Airborne division of the US army during world war II.
A 'Private Albert Blithe' confesses to a 'Lieutenant Ronald Spiers' that he hid in a ditch after making their first parachute jump in Normandy.

He tells the Lieutenant that he was scared and so he hid in the ditch.

The lieutenant tells private Blithe that, that was'nt the real reason why he hid in the ditch. The lieutenant adds that they were all scared when they made the first jump. Spiers follows it up by telling Private Blithe a very effective way of 'Overcoming his fears and fighting like a soldier'

This is what he tells Private Blithe,

'You hid because you think there is still hope. But Blithe...the only hope you have is to accept that you're already dead. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll function as you're supposed to. Without mercy, without remorse, without compassion. All war depends on it.' (from the TV series 'Band of Brothers')

I like this dialogue. And if you read it carefully and understand, you'll like it too.

Friday, January 21, 2011

No pain no gain

No gain without pain? Well, yeah. I remembered this proverb as my memories jogged back to yesteryears, when playing sports were a part of everyday life.

These days we do play sports, but of the mental sorts...and not the ones commonly known as 'games' like cricket, football, kho kho, catch-catch and all.

Falling and hurting yourself was very common and rarely did it result in anything more complicated than the murder of the person who committed the foul !! (if it was a game like football and if the 'fouled up' player was good enough to chase the fouler or was 'big' enough to commit his 'murder'!!!).

The small bruises, the annoying sprains, the huge cuts, the deep wounds, the small abrasions....all contributed to 'pain'. And no matter how bad the pain...it was temporarily forgotten in the frenzy of an exciting ongoing match!! In fact....everything else was forgotten once you got out onto the playground !! It was just a game, but it had to be won...it had to be treated like a war. Once the game was over, you came to terms with the pain which had been temporarily numbed. And then the pain used to hit you and water and medicine would seem to worsen it....Soframycin was great but tincure iodine and antiseptic solutions used to make them burn...so much so that you felt like yelling !! I've had lots of falls.....tripping over, toppling over, falling flat on my face and breaking my tooth, landing on my bums, scraping my knees, bruising my shins, hurting my elbows, spraining my ankles...on top of which I committed quite a few fouls in football myself !!! I have been battered, bruised and hurt. After sometime you get used to these falls, become tougher and grow stronger....its natural.

Its same with life isnt it? You fall, you rise, you fall again, rise again, this time a teensy bit more easily.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Vrunda

The reason I have not been writing any posts on my blog for quite a few ‘days’ is because I cannot think of anything apart from the person after whom the title of the post is named. Vrunda, the new person in my life. This post is dedicated to her. And I know that I won’t do any justice writing a descriptive post, because words cannot describe her. And ‘Wonderful’ seems to be too small a word for this purpose.
My fiancĂ©e’s out for a trip with her college friends. And so I turned back to writing a post on my blog, so that I could somewhat douse my longing for her company. I am, of course, unsuccessful.....my longing only increases, and no matter how much I try to involve myself in my routine, I cannot help but remember her every moment.
A poem for her.....written by me....

Nacheez tum ya zaaleem ek pari,
Is dil ko Tadapaa rahe kyon?,
Kyun yuh khayalon me aakar hamare,
Pathar ko pighala rahi ho?

Dil kehta hai, tumhare saath hi baithe rahe,
Zindagi bhar, zindagi you hi kat jaye,
Pyaar karte karte tumse,
Zindagi kaa sunhera geet gaye.