Tax.

There is a dialogue in the hindi movie 'Lagaan'. It goes this way...........

Man katata hai mora jab hum raja kaa lagaan bharat hai

Aur woh phirangio ki ghandi hateli par dhar dete hai

Tu bol maa.....

Dharti ki chati phad kar beej kaun boe? hum boe.

Phir sicche kaun hai? hum hi.

Phir lagaan unki gaat kahe baande?

Good question was'nt it? I feel like asking the same question at times. Tax has always troubled people !!! Its really horrible to see the 'TDS' column in your salary slip.

Success.

Success is.....
not about how rich you get or what awards you receive.
It is not about how famous you are, or what powers you have.
It is not about how intelligent you are, or what talent you possess.

True success is, what makes you happy. Whichever of the above makes you happy imparts success. Unfortunately, the world does not agree, to this!!! They say that a successful man is rarely happy.

A century of posts.....100 POSTS!!!

With this post........I celebrate my 100th post...........nothing great, of course. Just thought I should mark it.......its been a place where I have opened all my memories or rubbish thoughts and have managed to get a few readers (They are my friends, only three or four of them, maybe !! However absurd, ridiculous, faltu, stupid, ill humored, disgusting, pakau the posts might have been to them, they have politely told me that they like some of my posts on the blog !!! So a special thanks to their unending endurance!!!)

Sometimes it is difficult to express your thoughts by telling them to someone close to you, Sometimes there is no one close to you, to express your thoughts to, Sometimes your most sincere of expressions mean nothing to anyone but yourself, Sometimes you are uncertain whether to express certain thoughts to someone or not!!!

At such times....I blog........ironically out comes something which is something totally unrelated to the subject on my mind !!!!

Long Long queue.

Queues have always been a part of my life. They have always taught me a thing or two. They have taught me that patience is a virtue. They have taught me that nothing comes easy. You have to work for it. They have taught me that success comes to those who 'move ahead' in life. They have also taught me that sometimes the shortest distance between two points is not a straight line !!! From a very young age we have been quite used to standing in queues, waiting for our turn, in anticipation, waiting with all our will just to see the shuffle of feet of the people standing in front of you. So many times have we found ourselves being jealous of the person who is at the front most position in the line. So many times have we seen an exasperated look of someone who's been shown the end of a long queue, and has been asked to stand at the end of it, because he / she has just arrived. All our bill payments, admissions, form submissions, even in some areas the daily nature calls have involved standing in long queues. Many a times we have to stand out in the open, in the baking hot sun. Tempers run high at such times and any slack shown by the staff (whos taking the submission of bills etc.) is followed by bickering of people in the line and often by hurling of abuses openly. Anyone who tries to enter out of turn is yelled upon and is forced to his rightful place at the end of the line !!! Many a times I have seen a short queue of people forming near the door of a building. Later I have discovered that the same queue starts inside the building two floors above the floor where the same door is !!!

If you want to see the perfect expression of exasperation on a person's face.........Look at the person who's just seen how long the queue is and has come to stand in it.

If you want to see the perfect expression of hope and longing on a person's face ..........Look at the person who's standing in the middle of a long queue.

If you want to see the perfect expression of tension on a person's face.........Look at the person who's ahead in the queue.....cause he'll be worried........he'll be hoping that the work for which he came for and stood in the line gets done successfully.

If you want to see the perfect expression of relief and happiness on a person's face....Look at the person who's just finished his work at the counter after standing for hours in a long queue.

Today I went to a bank to open a public provident fund account. I wanted to deposit the minimum opening deposit money. The lady who checked the new account opening form asked me to deposit the money at the single window counter. There were three rows of chairs in the bank near the counters. All three rows were occupied by people. I assumed that they were sitting there to withdraw money or for other official purposes. As I wanted to deposit money, I went to one of the counters, thinking that my job would be over quickly, when I get a 'deposited' stamp on my deposit slip. When I went to one of the windows, the security guard told me to wait in the queue. It was then, to my astonishment, that I discovered that, the three rows of chairs occupied by people was indeed a queue and now I was at the end of the queue. Instead of a standing queue it was a sitting one and everytime someone at the start of the queue finished their work, the queue would shift and each person would move his ass to the next chair !!! Foolish, I thought, why dont they simply call the next person instead of making all the people shift from their places by one position everytime? But then thats how things work here.

Anyway after 45 minutes of exasperation, longing, hope and tension..........I opened my PPF account and made my first deposit......and went home a happy and relieved man!!!!

P.S: Qatar = queue. In india queues are so long, they seem to extend from India to Qatar, maybe that's why they say qatar in hindi.

P.S2: That was a bad joke. I am sorry.

The strange ways of animals.

It seemed like I had just fallen asleep when I heard the cawing of a crow. CAW CAW!! In my sleepy state, I wondered, how the hell had the night ended so soon and it seemed like I had just fallen asleep right then. To confirm that the night and my sleep had indeed been cruel to me, I checked the watch and realized that the night or my sleep were'nt cruel. Just that the crows were dumb. They had started cawing at 2 o'clock in the morning....a time when even the nightwatchman of my society sleeps!!! They continued their irritating CAW CAW...for another 15 minutes. Animals for one, behave strangely when something 'bad' is going to happen..........or so we've been told by our elders. But then 'bad' happens everyday these days........so I figured that the poor creatures must be getting confused, as to when to act strangely and when not to!!!
These days even stray dogs seemed to have developed some kind of arrogance. I have never before seen dogs maintaining the dignity of a cow, when a vehicle comes zooming down in its path. Its normally the cow's style to move slowly when honked on by a speeding car. The cow is unfazed by a speeding car or a speeding truck.....it will simply move at its own bloody pace, with its face upturned, slowly gliding away. The cow is probably sacred for this reason..........because it can stop such huge cars and trucks. The cows 'sacred' virtue is being followed by the dog. I havent seen dogs, these days getting out of the way quickly as they used to do it earlier. Scampering isnt their cup of tea any more. They too will get up slowly and move.....when honked upon. At least the dogs who are sitting are lazy enough to play 'cow'. The ones which are walking may get out of the way in a jiffy.
A pigeon perfectly fits the definition of a 'birdbrain'. The pigeon is characterized by its black and white looks and the throaty cooing sound. I have always thought that the sound of this 'cooing sound' is midway between a fart and a burp. Its droppings are a hell of a nuisance to clean up, from the window grills and panes. It seems like they just cant stop shitting. If one of them comes into your house.....you can be sure of three things....
1) They cant stop panicking and will keep flying around in circles.
2) This is because they cant remember from which window they came in from..........bless their forgetful, stupid bird brains!!!
3) In this process, they will get scared and bomb the room they get into, with droppings!!!

These are only some of the few behaviourial pecularities displayed by birds and animals........I could write more....but I wont write any more 'bullshit' here.

Waiting for a change that never came........

I have felt that, there is some thing, which should have been different than what it is today. I have worked hard, gave sweat, blood and tears, and tried my level best to change it, but to no avail. It remains as it is. I prayed hard, hoping that some day it will change. But it seemed like God was being unfair to me and the prayer fell on deaf ears. I felt bad, went mad with anger, got frustrated, even depressed at some point of time. I was patient, I was optimistic, I had hopes, but that ray of light never came, it never gave me joy, never illuminated my path. It simply rejected me. It simply dodged my way as if daring me to change it. People were harsh on me, they didnt care about what they said about it or who they were saying it in front of. So many of them misunderstood and gave superficial judgements.....never thinking for a moment how I must have been hurt by it. In the end, I learnt that, that one thing would never change. It is like a lifelong and permanent wound which cannot be healed. I have to stop being bothered by it, I have to accept it at its face value and to ultimately laugh it off every time, I am reminded that it will never vary. Nobody would be able to make out what that one 'thing' is, that I want to change, by reading this post. But anyway......I dont expect people to understand what it is........because nobody has really understood what it means to me and how deep the wound runs.

Shit happens.

Shit happens. That is what happened today. I would'nt say the day was one of those 'miserable days' when nothing goes right but then there are days when you wish that particular events would go right or 'wouldnt go at all' (wouldnt happen) , but, unfortunately, they go bad. Started off with the usual stuff.....my boss blaming me for all the shit thats been happening in his professional life. But, this was, of course, a perfectly normal start to a day......nothing unusual. Then I started filing some important office documents. I started sorting the stuff and then removed some papers which were old. I kept these papers separately and later tore the 'pile' of old papers........... or so I thought.........coz later, I realized to my dismay that I had torn some of the latest documents. A lot of time was wasted in getting copies of the new documents and ultimately I had wasted more time on the task than I actually should have.

A few hours later a friend of mine called up from abroad. Unfortunately we couldnt hear each other because of bad mobile network transmission. I couldnt call up my friend again...coz I changed my sim card recently and the ISD gets activated after 15 days of purchase. I couldnt call up from office because casual ISD calls are not permitted. I could have called from an ISD booth, now that I think about it...........but anyway.......I was too lazy to get my ass to go an ISD booth and I forgot to call up from home!!!

A friend of mine was supposed to go on a 'date'.......with a girl who was his childhood friend but whom he was meeting after a long time...... the girl didnt come alone..... but brought her niece along. He didnt have a problem with that and although he did say......that they chatted like old friends.........I am sure he must have been a 'bit' disappointed when he heard it from her on the phone that she was bringing her niece along!!!

I met a school classmate after a long time. He has newly joined our gym. I know I might sound a bit of a meany saying this, but.............HE WAS THE LAST PERSON ON THIS PLANET I WOULD HAVE WANTED TO MEET !!!! I tried to avoid him, but my gym is quite small and there arent many people around at the time I do my workout. I think I'll have to change my gym timings from now on.

I have always wondered why an auto-rickshaw driver sits on one side of the seat......side as in.....the very edge of the seat. My dad told me that since the engine of the autorick is beneath the seat.....it gets hot and the driver's bums must be feeling the heat. Hence the odd position.
When I had once tried to think reasonably, I figured that maybe, it is ergonomically convenient for the autorick driver to turn the steering handle, if he sits to one side as he gets a better position to outstretch his arms while making a full turn. Ergonomically convenient or not.....it doesnt do any good to their driving.......they are the most horrible, uncouth and arrogant drivers in this world. As for the funny part of it.........it sometimes looks as if they are planning to bail out in the middle of the ride!!!

Funny photo

Hahahaha........I laughed when I looked at this picture again today. Its a mastermind idea and a master piece in photography too......picture had to be clicked at a precise moment.....so that everyone was in mid-air. Unfortunately some of the dumbos in the picture were too lazy or just too tired to jump at the right moment. It was taken after we completed the somewhat strenous trek to ahupe ghat. I would still rate the trek as medium difficulty.....after all we did it in one day and there were people who returned home back to borivali !!!

So ya......the picture......To the right (viewers right side) is my friend PG......hes taken the right jump........just as I had told him to......his jump has come out absolutely perfect.

The second from right is TRM.......I remember that when we started the trek.....he was dressed smartly and looked like SRK (Shah rukh khan) in gogles, a half semi formal shirt and black coloured jeans. However by the time we were midway up he was down to his vests and had changed to a track pant and was panting like a dog on a wild chase. He was red in the face and gone was the smart and perky SRK look which was replaced by a half dead, haggard look!!! Anyway...he made the jump well too....wore his shirt and a gogle again (so that he'd look good in the photos!!!) ......lifted his legs to give him that extra high bounce!!!

Next to him to the left (third from right) comes a very good friend of mine..RAA.....who claimed that day that his stamina had decreased a lot..........it wasnt a wonder then that TRM and he were few of the last ones to come to the top of ahupe. His jump left something to be desired and he looks like he was too tired to move his feet off the ground or maybe he jumped and landed too soon.

To his left, is SSP (fourth from right).........and its a wonder he even got his ass off the ground and even stood up for the photo, forget jumping!!! If TRM and RAA were one of the few who came last in the climb......SSP was the last to complete the trek up!!!!

To his left is AAS (fifth from right).....this fellow has thrown his arms to both sides in 45 degree angle and one of his leg is lifted. The angle of tilt of his right leg reminds me of a dog who is peeing against a pole!!!

To his left in a blue shirt with his face blocked from view is SAS (sixth from right)....he too made a good jump and would have looked good only if he was visible completely to the camera!!!!

To the extreme left (again viewers left) is ORA.........the most enthusiastic trekker in that group. You can see that from his jump itself........he was so exuberant in his jump that the tall idiot forgot to jump straight up and instead jumped up and also to his left, threw up his long arms and blocked two of them from the view..........yes TWO.......in case you are thinking that he has 3 hands which is holding two caps and also has three four legs (2 of them in shoes and 2 in flotters) you are wrong..........besides blocking SAS from view he also blocked a man behind him from the view........that man is actually jumping and he is on SAS's right!!! He was a man from the village of ahupe who guided us up the peak........

All in all we enjoyed the trip, Earlier, I have written a post about the trek. This photo is definitely one of the funniest and the best snaps I have ever clicked!!!

Heaven on earth

An email I received recently.........

An american decided to travel to different countries and visit all the famous churches of the respective places. He went to britain and visited a church there. In that church, there was a telephone made of pure gold. There was a sign next to it saying "Call charges: 10000 pounds". He asked the priest why the phone was golden and why was the call charge so high.....The priest said "Son, you can talk to God, using that phone"

The american travelled to Australia and visited a church. Here too he found a phone plated in Gold and studded with diamonds. A sign was kept next to it and it said "Call charges: 20000 Australian dollars" On asking the priest he got the same reply....."You can call god using the phone."

He travelled to many such countries....South Africa, Russia, China etc. Churches everywhere had a phone made from precious metals or stones and the same sky high call charges...because God could be contacted.

He came to India and went to a church. By now, he was used to seeing a special telephone....but in this church he couldnt see anything. Then he saw a phone.....but it was a simple one.....and a sign which said "Call charges : Rs 1" The traveller was puzzled and asked the priest....."Isnt this a phone through which you can call God?"

"Yes, son" said the priest. "
"But then why are call charges that less? In other countries there are phone facilities to call God, and call charges are high" said the american
" Well, Since India is 'heaven on earth'...........its a call to God is a local call, isnt it? That is why the charges are local call charges, which are low......does that answer your question?" said the priest.

Recession

With companies falling all over , oil companies putting up countrywide strikes and transport business also taking a backseat, it seems to be like the time has come that we stop taking things for granted. One of my senior colleagues told me in December that economic depression is one hell of a mess up and to know how the mess up affects everyone, it has to be experienced. Like for all other matters, experience is the best teacher and no matter how perfectly theoretical you are, you have to have experience. I have heard people talk about the times during the 90's when things were bad, employment was a boon and voluntary retirement schemes were a sort of consolation prize. Things improved, economy boosted and IT sector BOOMED in India. Salaries increased, share prices rose, companies started earning huge amounts of profits. Even the no. of Job placements through colleges increased. At the peak of this scenario, we graduated, got our respective educational degrees and good jobs. My father used to tell me before (when I had just got a job) that "The market is good. Take advantage of it, switch over as soon as you have minimum required experience to a better job." We even had plans and dreams for the future. Do we now have to say like old men do........."Those were the days" ???Will situation be so bad in the coming year? Good economical situation of the country and upmarket is something which we had taken for granted because we had never been in an economic state of turmoil since the time we had actually started understanding 'economics'.
It all started with Lehman brothers in the United States. Downslide started. Today we hear of Satyam (although it isnt exactly related to recession, but comes during a phase when every big collapse is being related to recession!!!) Also we hear of Indian oil going on strike. The transport strike is also going on.
As soon as we heard about the strike we started telling each other that petrol has to be filled in our vehicle's tanks. When I reached the petrol pump today I saw a long queue. It seemed that everyone in town had the same idea!!! Just like we stand shoulder to shoulder in a mumbai local, Cars were lined up, bumper to bumper, bikes were lined up, tyre to rearguard. The usually jolly petrol pump personnel who greet me everytime (They know me by now....I have filled up petrol quite a lot of times there......." Kyaa sahab, kaise ho? ") had guant, tired and haggard looking faces, they had to manage so many vehicles and non cooperative jerks who break queues. It was chaos and after 20 minutes (which was less.....seeing the no. of cars and bikes) my bike tank was finally topped up. It was then that I thought, "Cheeezz, it takes only 2 minutes to enter the petrol filling area and fill up petrol..........."
Quite apart from all the recession is the situation that crude oil stocks are depleted totally..........what will happen then? Many more things.......but then its enuff 'depressing' stuff for the day.........

A matter of faith

Spiritual faith is different for different individuals. Monopoly of it does not lie with 'The one' who is more commonly referred to as God. For some it rests with certain 'divine beings' or 'Godmen'. Frankly, I have never worshipped anyone but stone idols of certain gods (Lord Shiva, Lord Ganesh, Lord Rama, Lord Hanuman etc) , whom, I have been taught, were great powerful beings who had done great, miraculous and literally impossible deeds in their 'days'. All of them are representations of the one force we all (most of us) believe in..............God. Come to think of it, I feel even my parents are worth worshipping as they have done the miraculous and next to impossible deed of raising me!!!
Coming to the point, I dont believe in placing my spiritual faith in living 'Godmen'. Sadhus and Babas and Maharajas are quite 'popular' in India and even abroad. However, I would'nt look up to them as a God. Their photos would mean nothing to me but a mere photo of a fellow human being. I wouldnt believe anyone who tells me that if you pay a visit to so and so 'Maharaj' or 'sadhu' all your troubles would be driven away. I wouldnt believe anyone who'll say "Hey, I went to this 'babaji' and my problem miraculously disappeared". I wouldnt go to an ashram just for seeing a 'divine guru'. I know people who've told me that I havent experienced the powers of 'Maharaj'. Pardons to them but I still wouldnt believe them even if I do experience any such powers.
I'd rather believe in someone who's done some service to this world. I'd rather believe in Baba Ramdev......who's explained to the world the advantages of 'Yoga'. I'd rather worship someone, who did great social service like maybe Mother Teresa.
And above them all I believe in only one holy power and would pray to the force called 'God'. Its a matter of personal faith but this is mine.

Changing factors: Goals / Objectives, priorites and outlook towards life

When it comes to goals / objectives and priorities........they keep on changing all through the lifetime. No doubt that some believe in setting long term goals and get there by fulfilling the smaller objectives required to work towards the ultimate outcome. Its vice versa for some...........set short term goals and then let us see what happens. There are some who would say.........I cant think of whats going to happen tommorow, yaar....dont ask me what's gonna happen 5 years down the line.
Priorities, of course, are more subject to change than objectives. Like for instance, during the education phase of life.........studying to get good marks and get a good placement was a priority (only for some). After that during the work phase......priorities are to complete work on time and with maximum efficiency and within the required quality parameters.
What also changes is your outlook towards life. Today we may think that we want to enjoy ourselves as much as possible, party hard, travel a lot. Maybe a few years down the line when we have our own families......we may feel that we have to take care of family, be with them and earn lots of money ......Some more years down the line.......we may start feeling old and say...........let me work more... anyway........I am too old to party (NO!! HOPE I NEVER FEEL THAT WAY!!).

Dont know how I botched up this post......it was meant to be different but it got written differently........!!!