xcuse me.

Always wondered why people say 'excuse me' after the sneeze. Does'nt make any difference if you say it later. But that's what we hear everyone do. Its because, sneezing is involuntary and it comes upon suddenly and once out, its a gun blast without a warning and hell, there isn't any point in saying 'Excuse me'. Rather 'sorry' seems to be correct. But most of us have a habit of saying 'excuse me' after you've blown the wind at 150KMPH.

A friend of mine says 'Excuse me' after he's sneezed. But its strange to hear a big guy like him making such a small sneezing sound. Its actually odd to hear that 'excuse me' when you havent even heard the sneeze itself !!! I once got myself out of his way when he said 'excuse me', thinking that he's having trouble getting past me !!!

A girl in our college class had a sneeze whose sound was midway between a rat squeaking and a lady shrieking when she spots the former.

My own loud sneeze had once scared my one year old niece so much so that her eyes went wide for a fraction of a second, then she started bawling on top of her voice and later we discovered that she'd wet herself !!! She gave terrified looks on seeing me for the next few days !!!

Then, there is the blaster.....the kind of one, one of our neighbour makes......makes your ears ring for a while. My great grand father had a sneeze like that too. My mom tells me that one day, when great grandpa sneezed, my uncle, upturned his eyes and fainted !!!

Strange post to write after so many days....??

Grooming.

Once my education was over, I started working (obviously!!). In school, my teachers, truly taught me, that is, I gained knowledge from them. They were good. I didnt think much of my college teachers. Indeed they were'nt that good either. All of them were just doing their jobs, standing in the classrooms and pointing at some odd figures on the board, explaining diagrams and all that. We, in turn were doing our jobs, keeping our attendance to the bare minimum required in order to pass the year. Teachers were more of a bother to us. We studied on our own, out of books, guides etc. When I took up a job in a company, young and fresh out of college, I had least expected anyone to 'teach' me. It was to be......... that way. They say that experience is the best teacher and so it is.

However, even after being through such 'What-is-a-teacher?' times, I still firmly believe that there should be someone to groom you, throughout your professional life.

There is a thin dividing line between teaching and grooming. When you are in a profession, you're already qualified to do the work and knowledge and experience teach you how to do it. But if you're groomed well, you actually do it with efficiency, quality and 'professionally' at the same level of experience and education.

Due to such limitations as time and manpower, we are plunged into the sea without really knowing how to handle the big waves characteristic of the high seas. All seniors and people in managerial positions seem to be having this attitude. Nothing better, than a kick in the ass of those pesky juniors, who come to us for every little thing. Let them learn for themselves. Throw them into important meetings, discussions with client. Let them sit there, alone and answer all the questions and load them with all possible work. Only then will they learn, how we do it.

I cant quite explain it to you, what I mean to say. But just think about the concept of grooming and you'll realise for yourself.

Crass, huh?

God help me. I think I am turning into an animal. Its not that I am sprouting horns or anything, its just that, I have become indifferent. I dont care much about people (except a few, of course), I dont care that they dont care about me. I am pretty nasty in my thoughts, 90 out of 100 times and dont quite hesitate to implement them. I dont mind it when people tell me bullshit, I am ready to hear whatever snide comments they pass as long as I get to return the favour. I derive a sadistic pleasure in backtalking, replying with a vengeance, raising my voice and yelling at people.

I frequently misunderstand innocence to stupidity, and thunder down upon those idiots. My vision doesnt let me differentiate between a driver with an 'L' plate or otherwise. I treat them all as equals and give them hell of a time anyway. I dont find old college photos nostalgic and think "What a horrible student I was" ,when I see them. I dont like romantic movies interesting and laugh upon those who watch them. I hate those kiddies song shows on TV and swear at those little twerps. I dont care about what you think about this post.

Crass, huh?

Queer?

It was raining yesterday, when I went out on a drive via an intercity road. I could see the mangroves along the shores, dark, bleak and the distant mountains pitch black and tall in the moonless and rainy night. Kind of reminded me of maku's village, where its pitch black at night, so dark, that if you hadnt had the god given body co-ordination, you wouldnt know whether the potato crisp you want to eat is going into the nose or the mouth.

He'd invited me there to his farmhouse. One of my friends (IAK) and I were to join him and his group of 2 cousins and a friend, who'd already reached.

Well ya, so we'd reached maku's farm house in the evening. His farmlands are situated right in the valley of the sahyadri mountain ranges. Its a picturesque place, especially in the monsoons with fields of paddy on one side and cloud covered mountains on the other. We had made plans to make a night trek and have our dinner in the mountain air. One of maku's uncle had prepared dinner and was going to be our 'local guide' to the way up to a clearing in the woods, where we would have our dinner. We packed the food, and started off, equipped with battery operated torches and a 'laalten' (A kerosene lamp). The moment we crossed the fence, it was obvious that we would have to stick together to avoid getting lost in the darkness. Maku's uncle leading the way, we passed through the fields, breathing the fresh and cool air. Thankfully, it was not raining at that time. We had a nice one hour trek to the place where we were supposed to be having dinner. We enjoyed our time up there. Maku's uncle downed a full 'desi' liquor bottle and rest of us contended ourselves with cold drinks. Maku's village has a lot of queer stories, the ones which are typical in an isolated village. These stories include ghost sightings, animal sightings and other such incidents. Panther and wild boar sightings are a common phenomenon there. Maku's uncle told us a lot of real life stories that night.

After stories and dinner, we started back. There was a small stream of water which we had to cross. Maku's uncle spotted two crabs in the water (not uncommon, there). He is known in the village to be an expert crab-catcher. True to his reputation, and that too after he'd downing half a bottle of liquor, he swooped his hands into the water and came up with the crab, which was struggling against his firm grip. All this was done in a flash of a second !!. He'd caught the crab between the shell and the pincers.

He took hold of a container and put the 'still struggling' crab inside it, closed the lid and handed the container to me. Thereafter, when I held the container, I could feel the crab knocking against the walls of the container !!!

He went after the second crab, which was crawling ahead with great speed. Uncle took one of maku's cousins along with him to hold the torch. He asked us to wait at the very spot. We saw them go along the stream a long way, and finally out of sight as the stream twisted and turned through the woods. After sometime, we started worrying about uncle and maku's cousin. Both were gone for a long time. We were stranded and couldnt move without our 'guide'. We started contemplating whether to go see where they had gone. I said "Guys, if it rains, we'll be soaked to our skin." My friend IAK responded by saying, "It didnt rain when we trekked up, nor did it rain when we ate our dinner, beneath the open sky, why now?".

A moment later, as if someone above had heard our conversation.............it started raining. We couldnt wait there now. There was no shade. Uncle had not come back. So we decided to follow the stream along which he and maku's cousin had gone. As we were walking along, we started calling them aloud. There was no response. After walking clumsily in the rocky bed of the stream, we came up to a point where the stream narrowed and it was covered with an arch of bushes, so that you couldnt see beyond. We must have shouted out for them 7-8 times from there and there was no response. Then suddenly, maku's cousin called back, "We're coming". And then they appeared, ducking under the bush-arch. They had finally caught the second crab too.

Later, when we reached his house, maku asked his uncle...."Where were you?". He said that he'd chased the crab for quite a long distance and had finally caught him just some distance away from the arch of bushes. Maku asked him why he did not answer to our calls. His cousin who was with his uncle told maku that they'd answered aloud the first time they heard his voice. Maku said that he'd called out several times near that bush there. But strange as it seems, maku's cousin and his uncle, heard our voices only once, even though both parties were near the bush.

It could be nothing but isn't it just worth noting that,

-Rains only started when maku's uncle disappeared, compelling us to go after him instead of waiting there as he had told us to? It wasnt raining throughout our excursion....and just started at that time? As a matter of fact, it did not rain again all night and even the next day?

-If we were around say just a few feet away from the bush arch and they were a few feet away too, only on the other side, where we couldnt see them, how could they have heard our voices only once when we yelled our throats out for around 2 minutes continuously?

Was it just be maku's drunk uncle and his non-drunk cousin lying? Or was it simply another one of those queer incident which happened there?

Independence day.

15th August is our Independence day. We celebrate the Independence of our country by exercising the following rights.............

Right to spit anywhere.

Right to throw rubbish outside the window of your car.

Right to use loudspeakers that create hell of a noise at any festival.

Right to put up large posters anywhere where it says 'Stick no bills'

Right to go at a red signal light.

Right to use the countryside as your urinal.

Right to write 'I love you' on the walls of famous monuments.

Right of doing wrong?

Khau galli and the stain on my shirt.

My friend R and I go out for lunchtime at a place called 'Khau galli'. Now, khau galli is not a very unique name and every 'galli' in India, where there are quite a few 'khaana stalls' with little seating arrangements is called a khau galli. The best part about such 'Khau gallis' is that you get a variety of foods.....and our 'KG' is no different. With the variety of foods, there seem to be a variety of germs. Hygiene is minimum and flies are maximum. Crows may fly and perch themselves on the table next to you and dogs might touch their noses to your feet, when you are sitting, enjoying the food. To counter all these 'anti-social elements' for customers, stall owners put a 'dhoop' or an essence stick on your table, which they think will drive the flies, crows and bees (did I mention bees? no I didnt, well, now I did) away. It definitely DOES NOT drive anything away. In fact, you spend half your time shooing the flies and the other half making the same shooing motion with your hands, only this time to drive away the oncoming vapours from the 'dhoop'. The flies, crows and bees have developed immunity towards 'dhoop' , same way as we have developed immunity against germs, eating the unhygienic food of KG.

My mom makes me a food tiffin and I take this along with me to KG. Here, outside food is allowed, if you place a small order. So, we go there in the afternoons to escape the air conditioned confines of our office and order something like buttermilk or something.

After lunch we have paan, at times. The other day, R and I ordered our custom paan........calcutta sadha paan, with chilkaa supaari and a dash of gulkand. The paanwalla folded the paan into a neat triangle and handed one to me. As I put it into my mouth, the gulkand dribbled out of the corner of the paan, right on to my favourite bright coloured white shirt with blue and yellow stripes. I was aghast !!! It was a huge blot of red guaranteed to leave a permanent stain (gulkand can leave permanent stains) . I applied some water to it and it was worse......it spread!!!. I had to go back to office wondering what to do. Everyone in the office kept staring at my shirt. I told anyone who would listen (no one did), that the boss had 'fired' me and so the blood. But only I managed to laugh valiantly at my own stupid joke. Later, I went to the washroom and put water on it again. When it dried off, I pinned my identity card on my collar end, so that it dangled on my right pocket and somewhat covered the major part of the stain. I hoped that there were no meetings that day and so lucky that there werent any.

Again, luckily, my mom managed to 'vanish' the stain. My favourite shirt is ready for use again.

Zindagi jeeni hai sahi

Is kadar bhid gaye zindagi ki daud se,

Ke jeene ka matlab bhool gaye,

Kinaare chod diye woh hasi ke,

Aur samundar jitne aasoo bhaaye.

Phool khilne ki khushi ko bhula diye,

Kaanto par hi chalte rahe,

Chod diye shital bhare saaye woh,

Dhoop se jal kar rakh hue.

Bachon ki woh masumiyaat,

Bhulaa kar to aarso beete,

Duniyaadaari ka sabak seekhte seekhte,

Insaan se jaanwar kab ban gaye?

Dil kaunsa aur pathar kaunsa,

Poocho khud ko, Farak hai yaa nahi?

Abhi bhi sawar sakte ho bande,

Zindagi jeeni hai sahi.

-By me (Asking for pardons.....just in some mood for poetics)

Exercising in a 'glassy' gym

Our gym is on the ground floor. It has a glass panel. It offers a nice view of the outside world. Trouble is....we are exposed to the 'outside world' too. Its one thing for us, to look at the beautiful skies from the inside. Quite startling to see people staring at us, while we are working out. In fact, I completely understand how animals in a zoo feel when they are being watched by humans, from outside the cage.

In fact, I can almost imagine people offering bits of crumbs of toast to us through the lower ventilation openings in the glass or lobbing biscuits over the upper louvers !!!

People watch curiously, others point rudely, still others laugh, some others stare with their mouths open staring at the pretty chicks on the treadmills and the stepper-cycle......you'll see all of those and still more outside 'open gyms'

While you might think its a bit absurd, having glass panels for the gym, gym owners think its great advertising. People come to know that there is a 'gym down there'. The 'pretty chicks' are crowd pullers for freaking desperadoes. Quite apart, you generally come to know about the equipment that's there in the gym. I know it sounds quite strange to those hard core weight training fans and body building purists, but the majority of Indians who go to classy gyms....check out the cardio equipment.....and you'll see that against the glass !!! (Of course, no one would keep weights near the glass....for fear of the weights breaking the glass and causing a nasty accident.).

Usernames, passwords, emails and chat IDs

The advent of internet and networking, brought the need to maintain online security and privacy of its users. Experts devised a simple way. The use of 'usernames' and 'passwords'. A username is nothing but an online name.....your intials, your name, first name initials, last name full and various such combinations. Password is a string of characters, which only the user is supposed to know. It could be a number, few alphabets or alphanumeric. Generally, the username becomes your email ID. E.g (username)@website.com. The username used in office is generally more or less fixed by your network administrator. But here I am talking of the one which we create ourselves, the one used on a public website.

I have observed that, at times, these usernames may well be an indication of the people whom they belong to. Middle aged aunties, who've just discovered how the net is used have a very straight forward username, probably followed by the year in which they have created the ID. Most probably, they'll keep the password same as the username, coz they might probably think that it would be better if its the same, so that they wont forget it. Fair enough......however they tend to forget their username as well !!!

At times, the username is same as the chat ID or vice versa. Young guys, who'd love to meet someone online in a chat room would have the typical 'macho' username or chat ID.

handsomehunk or muscleman or imyourman are common chat IDs. People who are willing to reveal their age (or fake it for obvious purposes) keep an 'asl' chat ID (age-sex-location..........the cool chat lingo) . For example, 18maledelhi.......... or a more 'sophisticated' one would be 21handsomemaledilli-6. They'll keep an age which, in their opinion would be the most attractive age to girls, even if they happen to be as old as 28 or as young as 15.

This is not an exception to girls...........sweet16goingon17 is an example of an 'oh-so-sassy' chat ID, guaranteed to pull all the boys of all the chat rooms of a public chat.

Coming back to usernames again, people who have an uncommon name can exercise the best option of a using the username, so that their email address becomes First name.Last name@website.com or firstnamelastname@website.com.

For those who have a common name, would find the above format is not available for them, as their are already people who have that name, and have already kept that email ID.

And so poor souls like my friend irfan, with names common with about a 1000 people in this world, go in for keeping an email ID, which also has their birthdate suffixed.

And for poor soulds like me, with a name common with about 10000 people in this world, go in for an email ID, which has their birthdate, month and maybe even birth year suffixed.

Cant say much about passwords, but a popular password is the name of a person suffixed with something like 123 or maybe their birthdates.

Believe me, its not easy to think up passwords, if your office server keeps asking you to change password on a quarterly basis........after all it cant be xyz123 all the time can it ???!!!

Tumbling like a pack of cards.

They've all been scurrying away, spreading in all directions, tumbling like a pack of cards, falling like dried leaves. Ain't talking about anything else but the people who've resigned from our department in our company in the last two months.

Job shifting is nothing new. People do it all the time. But its one thing for 1-2 people in a single department to go per year and something else when 8 people quit their job (all in a single department) in a space of 2 months.

When recession hit us hard, the people on contract were told to pack up. All others feared for the security of their jobs and even those of the dozy lot were seen working. The older 'so-many-years-in-company-no-one-tells-me-to-walk-off-even-if-I-have-coffee-all-the-time' were finally facing justice. It was'nt long before, people gave better performance for fear of being kicked out. Now that's what's called performance pressure !!

That was a year back. Slowly the market gained. Job availability is better now. And so people have quit !! In need of better jobs, in need of better packages, better work and best of all.....a better boss !!

Now that so many people have resigned, others in the department have started eyeing each other suspiciously. The 'are you quitting?' look has become most familiar. Lot of money is lost for contributions towards farewell gifts, farewell parties etc. And the trend of quitting has grown so exponentially that, I have started wondering whether I'll have to buy myself a farewell gift, if I dont quit soon, myself !!

Hello california again.

I left office and immediately had the feeling that there is a lot of packing left. Travelling to faraway places requires packing and no matter how well planned your 'packing schedule' it always leaves something to be desired, at the last moment. So as usual before I left home to catch the san francisco flight, there were a lot of things to be done, bought, and packed. My bag had been packed and repacked and rerepacked before finally leaving the house at around 10:30 PM. There wasnt much traffic on the road as a result of which we reached early, checked in early and got bored early sitting in the waiting lounge near the departure gate. Anyway, the airport is full of shops and eateries and I had a nice time watching expensive liquor bottles of the finest brands on display, chunky watches with prices so chunky they make you feel faint !! Finally the boarding announcement was made and we got into the flying machine. I had a window seat. No matter how many times, I have sat in a plane, I never fail to feel amazed at the size of the aircraft and at the fact that something this huge even flies at all !!!
The plane took off, the mumbai lights went smaller and smaller and finally disappeared. I mostly slept and ate through the first flight. An eventful flight it was. The landing was in foggy conditions and only when we were very close to the ground did I see the water of the south china sea. The landing was quite soft nevertheless.
At hong kong airport, we had starbucks coffee and me and dad had a great time doing some window shopping. The Hong Kong airport is huge and has a view of the airport runways, the sea and the Hong Kong city. I took videos of aeroplanes taking off and taxing. There was this sardarji who met us at the airport. He was going by the same flight that was taking us to san francisco. He was a religious preacher and the gurdwara committee in US had invited him to preach. He looked like a leader of the Akali Dal party and I came to know that this fellow had travelled to places like England and Canada and amazingly, did not know how to speak English. He knew only hindi. I filled up his emigration form for him during the second flight.
The second flight was as normal as the first one....except for the turbulence near Mt Fuji where the seat belt sign was turned on and remained on for atleast an hour. This was bad, as I needed to pee badly. After the seat belt sign finally turned off, I got up from my seat and immediately realised, I wasnt the only one with a full bladder. Lot of people wanted to pee, and it was another 15 minutes before I finally relieved myself having moved ahead in the queue!!!
I watched the hindi movie, 'blue' and slept. No one who has watched blue would have managed not to sleep after it !!
I listened to some music after that and played games on the entertainment centre. Like all of my home PCs, the entertainment centre produced a software error and crashed when I started a game !!! I called the attendant and he got it reset for me !!!
We landed in san francisco in bright sunshine and a pleasant 18 degrees celcius. The emigration interviewer asked me........
Interviewer: Why are you here?
Me: To visit my sister, she lives here in sunnyvale.
Interviewer: So what more are you going to do apart from visiting her? Sit home and watch TV?
Me: hahaha....no I am going for some sightseeing as well.....san fran and some other places like vegas mebbe.
He asked me some other routine questions as well and then stamped his emigration stamp on my US visa. We took our baggages and came out of the airport area. My sister was there to pick us up. The journey had ended well and apart from a huge nap in the afternoon there were no 'jet lag' effects.
We celebrated my niece's first birthday with a small function on the 18th April where I met many of my sister and her husband's colleagues and friends. They are very nice people.
Right now, we are planning our sightseeing schedule. I have been out on the bicycle to some local stores and am having fun playing with my one year old niece. Will keep updated.

Pyramids of Giza.

Sheaves of papers, minarets of memos, leaning towers of files and huge piles of product catalogues make up a cluttered office desk. It adds importance to your repute in the office. People start thinking you work a lot and if you add a coffee mug to your desk 'decor' and have swollen eyes, people take their hats off to 'the man who shoulders the responsibility of the world'.

But cluttered desks are actually a nuisance to others.

You approach your boss and ask him for some important papers and he points to a small 'pyramid' on his desk and says, "Its somewhere there.You'll just need to search a bit." That 'searching a bit' is equivalent to searching for a needle in the haystack. You approach the misorganized 'tomb of khufu' and slowly as you come nearer you marvel at its precise balance, the haphazard, yet perfectly sound structure and, long gone, is your faith in the laws of gravity !!! You put your hand on what could be an engineering marvel and it comes crashing down and your boss yells...."Lousy careless bugger.....Be a bit more careful will you?"

You eat the words....after all, he is your boss....and he has so carefully 'constructed' the genius creation you just destroyed !!

Ironic to your situation, the creator of the 'tomb of khufu' is able to find the paper as well as remove it from the pile without disturbing the earlier arrangement. This makes you wonder whether you have a set of the worlds most careless pair of hands or your boss is a goddamn lucky bastard that he removed the papers without disturbing any other damn paper.

Cluttered desks are good when it comes to giving excuses. "Oh, its better you take a copy of the memo from xyz. There is no way we'll find it in this mess" or

"Hey, dont disturb me right now, see how busy I am, all this paperwork and nobody files these papers."

If someone of this sort tells me that he's going on leave and that I'll find all the relevant papers on his desk........I'll be off on leave as well.

Wondering whether I should vote this year?

Elections for the 'nagar sevak' or corporator are just around the corner and campaigning is in full swing. The other day, the doorbell rang. The music was playing and no one was at home and ,swinging the steps in line with the music, I opened the door. There was a big crowd outside my house and all had worn white clothes and colourful scarves. The man up ahead was a big hulking figure with a large belly that seemed to be a 'beered' one (beer belly). 'Namaskar, me xyz, aaple aashirwad pahijet, hyaa varshi amhaalach safal kara, mat dyaa, kalyan kara' (Namaskar, I am xyz, give us your blessings, make us successful this year !!). I stood there for a minute in my half chaddis, wondering what he had said. Then I realised that it was election time and this fellow was a candidate....the 'aashirwad' mentioned was my vote and safalta (success) meant his victory.

These people take their large crowd from house to house asking for 'aashirwads'.

All candidates have set up stalls locally, with huge banners on them with their own stupid photos smiling on them. Party names have been displayed. They take up a sort of rally everyday, with their supporters shouting victory slogans and cheering their candidates. They look like a real angry mob approaching and an outsider would start wondering whether he should take cover. They burst firecrackers as they go and shout on top of their voices. They annoy you with the noise they create and you start cursing them and make vows to yourself not to vote for the candidate who creates noise. But all of them do and you start thinking that mebbe voting for any of them at all, is a bad idea. Most of us don't know what work any of them have done and, the heck.....there's no way of finding out. All politicians make promises and never keep them and that is the universal truth.

I wonder whether I should vote this year at all?

IPL

The IPL match was certainly an experience, whatever people say about it being hot in the stadium, not getting the required views like the TV camera does, and not being able to see the ball from a distance. I can tell you, after watching one IPL match, that whatever be it.....you have to go to a stadium to watch a cricket match....just for the atmosphere..!! Its best when you have a huge group.

So irfi having booked the tickets for the IPL, we were off on Sunday to the DY Patil stadium...me, irfi, chakot and two of irfi's friends....avinash and govind. We took my car as there were 5 of us and left 1 and a half hour early for getting a good parking spot. As we reached Nerul, we realised that everybody had the same idea (obviously !!). So after a zillion turns and trillion lanes, we finally found a parking space and believe me........ we were lucky to have got a parking space at all. And then it was a short trek to the gates, through big crowds.....it looked like the whole world had come to watch the match. Irfi being the tallest was ahead and we were following him. Usually I am not easily visible among crowds....height being less.....but none of the 5 wanted me out of their sight, coz it was my car they had come in and my car they would ride home in !!

So having stood in a queue for sometime, we made our way inside. (which we had to make sure was a queue to the gates !!)

Having found our seats, we sat and the match began in a few moments.

Roars from the crowd as Sachin walked up to the pitch, swinging his arms, warming up. Sachin gets the loudest cheer, when he walks, talks to the umpire, when he is batting, adjusting his groin guard, signalling the third man for a change of gloves......in fact he would get a cheer in DY Patil stadium even if he is not playing in the match !! Thats 'the' awe-inspiring Sachin Tendulkar for you !!

And for crowds in India....Symonds is a universal target for jeering......

"Hum sab ke neeche kaun? Symonds.......... Symonds.........." And I dont need to explain the meaning of that to you.

Sachin played some swashbuckling shots,. He was hitting the ball so easily, it was as if he was playing with a rubber ball!!

Meanwhile there was this fellow in the crowds in front of us who was standing up just when the ball was being bowled...After being told off many a times by all 5 of us....he kept doing it.

Finally, Avinash cracked, jumped off his seat, nudged him and said "Arre khaali bas naa saalyaa, ball taaktaanaa tari, saalya pahilyandi aala kaa match baghayala?" (Now saalya, saala, saale is universal. Rest of the translation of the marathi statement is ...."Sit when the ball is being bowled atleast. Have you come to watch the match for the first time?." ) Now this was saying something, as Avinash had come to watch the match for the first time too!!!

Avinash and that fellow had some bitter exchanges, but soon a policeman walked up and asked both of them to calm down and told the man to be seated. Avinash outbreak was effective as the man did not get up again to even celebrate and cheer with the crowd!!!

Mexican waves were being made and every time a six or a four was hit by the mumbai indians the roar of the crowd would be deafening. The sexy cheerleaders were cheering and the crowd danced with them.

The middle 10 overs were boring and we thought Mumbai Indians were playing slowly and would face a huge defeat. But the last five overs were very exciting as harbhajan played a swashbuckling innings. Crowds cheered him loudly, if possible the loudest (as with tendulkar).Mumbai Indians made 171/7 as a total score.

We rarely thought about food during the match but those dominoes and macdonalds guys kept carrying their food items and tempting me.....but we had decided to have dinner later.

The deccan chargers made a weak start and they lost gilchrist early. No one really played an innings like Bhajji that day....

I remember Gibbs hitting a couple of fours which were really great to watch. But not as great as it was to watch Bhajji and Tendulkar.

The Deccan chargers buckled out for 131....thanks to some fine bowling by the likes of Zaheer, Malinga and.......... bhajji, once again spinning the way to victory.

We had work to do.....and that was getting to the parking through the huge crowds. We had dinner in Hotel Bhagat tarachand and it seemed like there were only people from the IPL match crowd who had come to eat at that place !!

Night-outs

Could'nt really bring myself to write down anything in the new year really. Managing the house alone really overburdens a carefree, innocent and creative mind like mine (ahem !!!) . No doubt, there is the independence of operating alone, being the boss and having a gala time. But then its a dud doing all the house work, which is normally taken for granted by us, due to the presence of a certain demigod, called 'mom'.

Well, anyway, when I was younger (a bit younger than I am now.), being alone in the house meant a party at night, at my place. We used to call these overnight stays as 'night-outs'. No one in the house....mom dad gone for some work...it used to be a perfect setting for a night time party at my place. KC, me, laal, irfi, oneil, abhi, dinesh, makarand, chakot........jitik sometimes. Laal and KC used to pick up some cold drinks (no hard liquor in the house), irfi used to bring down a movie CD. Abhi used to tell us that he would come 'shayad'.....dinesh made one or two appearances, oneil was there most of the times and he was my laughing partner

Chakot used to come late (as usual). He used to bring nothing except a sleepy face. Jitik used to come....and it was a wonder when he did.....coz he normally did not. (God knows why?)

The night used to begin at my place after dinner, which we had outside or each had dinner at home or something. The cold drink bottles were out and Irfi's movie CDs were played. We watched them. And no matter how serious the movie was, we always managed to laugh...with one thing or another. We even watched movies like 'omen' and laughed them out !!!

If you asked me...how could you laugh at a serious movie? I would say that, leave it....you would never understand !!!

After this some people would drop off to sleep.....but sleeping wasnt allowed on a night out.....so we would hit these 'sleeperzzz' with pillows, pinch them hard, sit on them or they would receive a mass 'punch fest' !!

We also watched crazy regional movies....which had some hilariously ridiculously unreal and unimaginable scenes...which had us rolling on our sides with laughter.....

It is 'seriously funny' to see a hero on a bike jump into the back of a tempo truck and turn out from the windshield from the other side !!! Or to see a hero somersault from the first floor to the ground floor of a building and then take a back somersault and again land on the second floor !!! Or a japanese martial art expert balance on bamboos and still manage to fight the enemy!!

The hours passed by, and at around 4 am all of us used to hungry....so we used to cook some 'egg bhurji' and enjoy eating it !! Or we used to go out to have the same (Bhurji business is maximum in the early mornings!)

Occasionally, we used to have very serious chats on topics of interest. Used to be fun all the same.

All those times have passed. Its nothing great to be alone at home....its not an occasion...its just ok.

Many of my friends have gone to faraway places to work.

Ultimately, what will remain is memories of these crazy, enjoyable 'night outs'. !!

Appreciation? what's that?

The value of appreciation......

Rarely are we appreciated.....in the company we work for.....for the work we do, for the jobs we have completed, for the problems we have solved, for the positive outcomes inspite of the infavourable conditions.

Its just that we get used to living with the thanklessness.

Money is the appreciation. And every service class man realises this within the first year of his very first job. Think about it the other way. Would you have just the appreciation part of it and not the money? Nope. Nobody would like that, would they?

Plane class.

Ok. So we are busy and all that, both of us (me and dad) with office work and everything. But both of us made it a point to look out for international flight fares to my sister's place. Travelling to a faraway country requires money....a lot of it. And it requires middle class people like us to do a bit of a research on the cheapest flight fares. I always thought that 'economy' class is a great way of saying 'the lowest possible class' in an airplane. And although it isn't quite 'economical' for us poor dingos to travel by 'economy' its always a better way to call it 'economy' as opposed to a commonplace and banal sounding 'second class' or 'third class' in trains !!!

'First class' does'nt sound that great either. But as per my knowledge its the best in both trains and planes (correct me if I'm wrong). Business class sounds truly classy. I can almost picture people sitting in business suits, travelling in style. But again, my knowledge tells me that business class is below first class in an airplane. No one's heard of a business class in trains and the only guy who would be wearing blazers in the train (most of the times) is the TC. There are some other classes like premium class and other show - shine names that airline companies have given but strictly speaking, nobody travels like the President of the United states or a sheikh from Qatar. I've heard of a term called 'cattle class' in planes. Made me think whether booking a cattle class ticket gives you a license to sit amongst mooing cows or bleating sheep?

Apparently, no. Cattle class is just another name for the poor old economy class.

Talking about seats, in international flights, never take a front row seat in any section of the plane....coz you might be near a baby bassinet.............and god save you if the baby in the baby bassinet starts bawling at the top of its voice, acting like a monster. People with long legs have good leg room if they take a front seat.....compensation....they might have to stuff their ears for fear of noise pollution of the baby bawls !! And, if you think baby bawls are bad.....the extreme back seats are worst.....coz there it is the air pollution which will kill you, in a long distance flight.

I always find that the window seat behind the wing is the best. I love that place.

Darling, we're the young ones.

Live the freedom, sing in the rain,

Feel the passion, Love the pain,

Dance on a tune, act like a fool,

Spend on a whim, its so cool,

Fight the fire, play with the flame,

Take the lead ,get on with the game.

Hard as a diamond, tough as a rock,

Fit as a fiddle, round the clock.

Days pass on, you never cry,

Whatever happens, it passes by,

This is the feeling, this is the fun,

This is the life of a young one.

-By me.

No work

In times of recession when professionals sit idle in office, there starts a trend of introducing what higher management calls 'development activities' and I call as 'useless games'. Reviews, safety seminars, technical seminars, leadership and management seminars, vendor seminars etc, are all a part of this plot.

Also, at such times, its interesting to see even the people higher up, going deeper down in the roots of superficial problems which otherwise are solved in a jiffy, without being fussed over. But the times are bad, and everyone needs an activity, and jumping on even a minor problem gives them a feeling of having done something. And so, start the 'tamashas', people yell over petty issues, take a bite at others, scramble like rats and blow up the whole issue into one big volcano.

Unrest is natural amongst all who are suffering woes having no work, but making a lot of noise, or making a mountain of a molehill gives some a feeling of importance which they miss in such times.

Believe me, its no fun going to a place where there is no work.....no work at all. Some rest in between is alright, but no work at all is bad, very bad. There are some who disagree, they say its good fun....no work and salary all the same. I beg to differ.

Dark times shall pass.

Itna kyun darta hai saaye se,

Saaya to deta hai saath....

Parchaayee ka andhera chaaye to kyaa hua...

Dooji taraf to kirano kaa bhi haath...

Kyun darta hai andhere se...

Andhera to aana hi hai...

Chalta nahi woh pura kaal,

Waqt do, usse jaana hi hai...

Darta kyaa hai kaale badalo se..

Dete woh hume paani...

Sarwaswi dekar apna balidaan,

Dharti khilaate hai saari...

Kyun darta hai Bhavishya se,

Ek din to aata hi hai...

Sukh se ya dukh se jaaye kyaa,

Usse bhi bhoot banaa hi hai..

Darta kyaa hai bhoot se,

Soch ki woh mayajaal,

Bhavishya ki chintaa to kar hi mat,

Apna vartaman sambhaal.

-by me.

The adventure of bargaining.

Bargaining is a part of shopping. Its a kind of victory that kicks the heart of a true shopper. And while these are the days of chain stores, fixed price tags and forever 'sale' strategies, hard true bargainers don't come off without trying. Just take an incident for instance. One of my relatives picked out around half a dozen books after half a dozen rounds in the book store spending half an hour there. After carefully picking out the books that he wanted....he asked the cashier fellow to bill it....and asked for a discount. The cashier replied by saying that the rates are fixed. So my relative left the store empty handed and asked some of his 'contacts' in pune to check whether a discount was available in one of pune's leading book store for the same books (he had memorized their titles). Now, going by the price tags of the books....I dont think it was quite worth it to spend that much time and energy.

Time....for the two trips we made to the store....once when he picked out those books for the first time and next when we came back to really buy those books, once he found out that his contacts in pune, too, could'nt get a discount on those same books!!

Energy....the car fuel we wasted in making two trips to the store + fuel in his contact's car for making their trips to the store.

So much for bargain !!!

With most bargainers there is a trend in bargaining.........Shopkeeper quotes the price......Hard bargainer makes a disbelieving face or a disbelieving noise or both......he / she says "Kuch bhi, barabar price bataana" (Tell the correct price). Shopkeeper goes on telling the customer how good the item is and how he wouldnt get the same quality item anywhere else in this world.

On which the customer replies...."Yeda mat bana.....baaju waale dukaan me same cheez kam price mein mil rahi hai.....main tumhare yahaan bahut saal se shopping kar raha hu....to barabar daam bolna...mein tumhara purana customer hu " (Dont fool me, the same item is available in the next store at a lower price....I have been shopping at your place for quite sometime now....so tell me the correct price for old times sake.) Finally after a lot of haggling....the customer and the shopkeeper settle down to a price which is round about a mean value of both parties' respective quotes. The shopkeeper puts up a show....his tone suggesting that 'these days we get fooled by customers'. However in reality he is happy with the deal as his margin is quite what he had expected !. The customer in turn after a happy bargaining 'stint' puts up his own show...where he grumbles about how things are getting expensive these days and that shopkeepers have turned out to be 'highway robbers'. In reality he is happy to have got a great deal or definitely happy by the sense of achievement given by bargaining !!

I remember some years ago...we used to bargain at fashion street in mumbai. When a shopkeeper quoted a price....we used to say to him "Itne mein dena hai to do." If he said no.....we used to walk on ahead...and many a times he would chase you...and say "Le lo saahab....aapke bataye hue daam par hi deta hu, chalo !!" We used to buy the item, then

There is a kind of adventure in bargaining which gives shoppers a high...From 'roj ki sabji' to expensive home appliances....bargaining rules. It adds an extra element to the shoppers delight !!

A difference in the lifestyles.

When I wanted a bon-fire lit up, I started searching for wood. The cold weather was just right to light up a bonfire, feel its warmth and hear its crackle. It was night time, around 10:30 PM and the night was getting real chilled up. I could hear the crickets making a racket and looked up at the stars. The air is so pure at my grandpa's farmhouse, it makes you feel like you're breathing life after living in a gas chamber city for a long time.

So anyway, I was just wondering where the farmhand could be, when I realised that he must be fast asleep.....it must be midnight for him. I didnt wake him up....I knew his lifestyle and he slept early and got up early as well.

For people living here (like the farmhand), life is very simple.....Sleep early at around 9 o'clock.....get up at 0530 hrs fresh after a great sleep.....go out to work on the farmland.....have something to eat in between.....work again.....lunch at around 12:30 noon.....then a power nap....work again till around 6 in the evening until the time it starts becoming dark.......dinner at 8 o'clock and then sleep at 9. Its a simple lifestyle.

Eat simple food of bhakris, chappatis and sabjis and rice.....breathe in pure air, live in the vast open space and have no fantastic desires....

For the average service class man in the city.....its something like this.....Sleep late at around 12 AM or probably next morning......get up all drowsy due to lack of sleep....a hurried breakfast......off to work....probably after travelling by local transport or through crowded roads...reach office....lunch at around 1, 1:30, 2 or mebbe just a hurried meal.....after this you'll feel drowsy again....but cant sleep....so drink tea or coffee twice or thrice....work around till 7:30 or 8:00 or even later.....then start off home....till the time you reach home.....ur bushed...Have a quiet dinner......watch TV or surf the net later on in your 'free time' for 'relaxation'. Sleep

Eating outside food is a must at times.....breathing polluted air is a norm, living in the vast expanse of the cement jungle is part of life........there is a lot of money and yet no one is satisfied...there are still those fantastic desires....there are a lot of facilities for easy living and yet life is tougher.........

I aint saying which is better.....its just a comparison.....a comparison between two totally different lifestyles.....

Money.

The days are long gone when man used to be satisfied in being self reliant in terms of food, shelter and clothing. Long ago there was something invented which would change the face of human nature forever. No one then could have ever judged the power of that rectangular piece of paper which is today known as money !!

-By me.

Valentines day.

As if I have'nt had enough of bad times currently, ebay sent me one of their regular update emails with the following subject line.....'Get free gifts for yourself this Valentine's'. The more I try to forget that stupid day when everyone has someone to gift something to.......the more I get reminded of it by these stoopid mails. I mean how can you remind someone so harshly....by saying......get free gifts for yourself on valentine's?
But then I thought, its indeed a great idea.....I mean what the heck.....who wants a girlfriend anyway......I love myself and I'll get myself a gift on valentine's day.

Boo to ebay and hurrah to ebay !!!

The old teak wood table.

There was an old teak wood table at my house. Send it to another place. Normally, I aint fussy about parting with old furniture, but I cant help but remember this piece of furniture. Me and my sister were both toddlers, when my mom had this study table delivered to my place. The study table had been made by a carpenter, back when mom was a toddler !!! Old teak furniture remains solid as a rock. So anyway, grandpa (mom's dad) sent it over to our house. Both me and my sister were waiting for the table to come and when the transport wala finally brought it, our joy knew no bounds !!! We were getting our very own table !! Joy lies in small things when you are young and I remember we could not eat for excitement !! Now this study table has a joint cabinet with two compartments and an open one. Mom alloted the lower compartment to me and gave my sister the upper one. We neatly stacked our books in that space like good children. Homework was a joy that day and each one took turns doing it on the table. Here, I must mention that along with the table there was a teak wood chair. It so happened that I had to take several pillows beneath my bums, so that I could reach the table !!

The table had multiple uses, of course.........the open space beneath the table (near the leg rest) was our best 'playspace'. My sister and I propped up a blanket which fell down so as to cover the space. This was our 'tent' or 'home'. The game of 'house' came to an end very late when mom finally shooed us to go for a bath on weekend school holidays !!!

The table was also a place to pile up books.....much to my mom's chagrin, who's a strict advocate of putting things in their proper places.

I cant say that for me, the purpose of studying on the table, was served anytime. I seemed to think that the chair was too stiff backed and I couldnt quite accept the fact that mom seemed to think that I was a lazy boy who loved to lie down and read his books (eventually falling asleep !!).

Anyway, I never studied on the table as much as my sister did. In fact, we can even leave the 'on the table' part of the earlier statement. (I never studied as much as my sister did !!! Let alone on the table !!)

There was a glass on top of the table. We used to slide photographs under the glass. Old photos, new ones and make a collage.

Hope it'll serve many more generations to come !!

For facts, I know that they dont make 'solid wood' furniture these days. If you knock it.....it makes a hollow sound !!!

If you'd ever tap on the surface of this one.....its like knocking on a rock !!

2010 New year resolutions.

This year wasnt great. I mean....yes, I did have a gala time home alone for four months (My sister was due in april) and then seeing my cute little niece.

Apart from that nothing great....no appraisals in our company. Working under a bad boss. Lots of problems towards the end of the project which brought me and my boss under a very bad light....me getting all the blame, trapped in the net of bad higher management. On top of everything.....a new educational course application being rejected (However, I was super confident that it would be !!!) All in all, a bad year in terms of profession, good in terms of personal.

A new year resolution....

Find objectives. At this point, I am suffering from a 'lack of objective' scenario. Its objective which keeps a man going. Lack of it, demotivates him. Apart from this, the other resolutions remain.....enjoy, travel and see more places (for holidays, of course !!)

No other personal resolutions.

Kabootar jaa jaa jaa.

This is something which happened a few years ago. It was a saturday and I was chilling out in the living room of my house reading a book. Suddenly, I heard a scream and heard urgent thumping footsteps. I looked up, startled by the scream. I was starting to get up when I saw mom running towards me screaming at the top of her voice...."Ravi, Ravi, gallereet kabootar aale aahe !!" (Ravi, a pigeon has entered the balcony.). Well, I hadnt seen mom running the way she did in those few moments. The same time in which I was rudely shocked by the scream, I had a desire to laugh seeing mom run the way she did !!!

So anyway, there was a dumb 'kabootar' (pigeon) in the balcony....and it wasnt an earthquake or something.....nothing life-threatening, as mom's voice had suggested.

My earlier post 'Strange ways of animals' (written in January 2009) makes it perfectly clear what I feel pigeons are like.

I took a bamboo stick and entered the balcony. I didnt see the pigeon initially. And for a moment, I thought, it had made its way out. Then I saw it, sitting behind a wooden cabinet. It did not realise that there was a window above it. I prodded it with the stick and saw it drop. In short....it was 'shit-scared'. It didnt go, so I opened a few more balcony sliding windows and prodded it once again, this time a bit more firmly. It took off.....flapped around to and fro......but finally found its way out. Mom had entered the room and she had her fingers in her ears (Lot of people do that when they are scared.....I dunno how it helps ???!!!)

Her problem was solved.

Wallets and purses.

Probably, one of the most handy things that man invented was the wallet. I dont know whether at all 'man' invented it. It could have been a 'woman' after all !! I mean, it seems to be silly...but I hate to compare it with the money keeping pouches that ladies carry.....which are called as purses. Now I also do hate it when the same term....'purse' is referred to a 'wallet'. I mean 'wallet' sounds so neat. Macho and suitable for men. When anyone refers to my 'wallet' as 'purse' I almost feel embarrassed.......feel like a sissy, although 'technically speaking' its quite proper.

Now, coming to wallets....My wallet is always a bit haphazard.....lot of small bills, four fold papers with some calculations on it. Papers which contain some numbers written on the spur of a moment.....probably because I didnt have the patience to write it in my mobile contacts list, or simply coz, I wasnt carrying my mobile at that time or something like that. I have my driving license, some visiting cards, some paper money and some plastic money at times. People do have a habit of carrying a photo of their sweethearts or loved ones in their wallets. I too have that habit. I carry a photo of myself.....thats coz I love myself. I also carry a childhood photo....no particular reason....whatever you might infer from it. All in all contents are very much like so many others. Although I have seen people arranging stuff very systematically in their wallets......currency of higher denomination in a single compartment.....lower denomination in others......identity card in the transparent windowed compartment. Credit cards in the half compartments. Coins in the coin comp etc. How much discipline can you have??? Give me a break.

Talking about ladies 'purses' ..........not much to talk about......they say you should'nt open ladies purses....reasons of privacy.

An opinion

I was watching Lakshya the other day. The movie comes to the part where Hrithik (Karan in the movie) runs away from the Indian Military Academy following the fiasco at the training camp. A place where he pays for his somehow callous and easy going nature......He is punished for taking things lightly and playing the fool. After flying high.....getting through the tough CDS exams with flying colours, getting full support of his girl, he finds the training tough and there is no place for happy-go-lucky people. His superiors and instructors show him his place. He decides to run away and comes back home. Here he overhears his parents saying how they never thought he would get through the training. He meets his girl hoping that she would offer him some support and sympathy. But he finds that she, too, is not very happy that he could'nt get through something which he chose himself. In fact she breaks off with him for this very reason. Dejected, depressed and down.....he makes a decision to get back to the academy.....and finish his training. He does it and becomes an officer...a changed man.

The thing is, its just that, there comes a time, when you are dropped from all sides. All the pillars which support your cause, collapse. You are left alone, with no one to trust and no one to help you. In fact the blame game is on you. You feel that its all going bad.....the next thing you know it gets worse and then worst. You get jolted from all sides and feel the pinch and the pain. For a fact, its a downtime, all right. But if you just think about it again, its a time when things cant get any worse, can they? It can only be an upside from then on, isnt it? Plus, the pressure to perform is off (if there was earlier !!). People dont expect anything from you anyway. So you are on your own and would perform much better.

Its just an opinion......

Absurd conversation.

A female colleague and male one and me ....having a conversation. Lets call female colleague as FC and male colleague as MC and me as Me (obviously.....who'd call me as you?)

FC: My uncle bought some model of pulsar.

Me: Well, pulsar is a model name.

FC: No. There are four types of pulsar.

MC: Well ya, thats true. There are four types of pulsar bikes

FC to me: See, I told you.

MC: But still pulsar is the name of a bike model. Bajaj is the name of the manufacturer.

Me: Ya. So its bajaj pulsar.

FC to me and MC: Ya. Whatever.....

MC shaking his head in utter exasperation. His heart is mortally wounded, when someone talks so carelessly about bikes and cars.

FC to both of us: It has electric start.

MC: So?

FC: So what? Other bikes have only kick starts. Only my activa has an electric start.

MC: Which world do you live in, huh? Most bikes have kick starts these days.

FC: Ya, ok....Mr. Know-it-all.

MC: What? You didnt know?

FC: No I didnt. Anyway, you should know. You own a pulsar. I know that.

MC: I knew these things before I had one.

FC: Anyway, I will find out which bike my uncle has really bought (????!!!!).

MC: Ok.

FC after some days: My uncle bought a bajaj passion plus.

Me: Bajaj passion plus.....This some kind of new bike you invented?

FC: See, now I have told you the manufacturer as well as the model name. I am certainly right this time.

MC and Me: God save this stupid creature.

FC: What did you guys say?

MC and Me: Forget it.

Absurd conversation?

A medley of times.

There are times.....

When you are blamed..

When you feel down and depressed...

When you feel all upset...

When you feel worthless...

When you feel friendless and alone...

When you are let down by people you trust.....

And you feel you can not trust anyone....

When you hate the world...

When you hate the people on this planet....including yourself....

When you feel like shouting out loud to let out your anger....

When you feel like you'd rue the day you were born....

When you feel like leaving everything and becoming a hermit........

When you neither want to laugh nor cry........

Its amazing how all these times can come up on a single day !!!!

Ye duniya badi hai dhokebaaz

Naa koi gazab hai, naa koi raaz,

Naa koi gazab hai, naa koi raaz,

Ye duniya badi hi,

Badi hai dhokebaaz,

Jis thali mein khaate,

Usi me karte ched,

Jitna mangaaye khaana,

Aadha to karte waste.

Koi apnaa kaam kare,

Toh use kehte mand,

Jo apna bhalaa chahe,

Ussi ko dete dand.

Kitna bhi mile paisa,

Hame lagta kam,

Thoda bhi usme se jaaye,

To karte hai phir gum.

Duniya chalane waale ko

kehte hai hum chor,

Phir bhi vote nahi daalte hai,

Bahana dekar ki sab hai haram khor.

Kis buniyaad par tiki hai ye duniya,

Kisko kuch hai pata?

Maloom karo aur maloom pade,

To hume bhi jara bata.

Naa koi gazab hai, naa koi raaz,

Naa koi gazab hai, naa koi raaz,

Ye duniya badi hi,

Badi hai dhokebaaz,

by

-Me

A little boy's prayer to God...with terms and conditions

Dear God,

Make me big and strong. My mom says I have to drink milk to grow big and strong. Mom also says that if you pray to god with all your heart and faith and ask him for a wish he will grant it to you. Now, I didnt drink my milk this afternoon.....Poured it outside the window....but still I am praying to you and I hope that you'll grant me the wish of growing big and strong without drinking milk.

I want to become a pilot and fly like a bird. But dad says I have to study to become a pilot. I dont like to study. But flying a plane must be easy isnt it? I've seen them on the TV. They just pull some kind of joystick and the plane takes off. I have played games like that on my friend's computer and I think I could fly a plane just like that without studying. Please god ....let me be a pilot without studying.

My dad keeps saying that the toys that I want are too costly. He says he doesnt have enough money. I dont believe it. He goes to office everyday to earn money. I had been to dad's office once. It is very cool inside the building....dad says its because of the air condition or something. Dad ordered some yummy sandwiches for us when we went there. He kept on calling people all the time and ordered them to do all the things. He has so many people to do things for him. If things are like that in office, I want to go to an office too. And then I'll be able to earn money and buy my own toys. Please god let me go to office instead of going to school.

Hmmmm....I cant think of any more prayer, god. I will pray tommorow, also. Goodnight for now. Please grant all my wishes. Thank you for that lollypop you made dad get for me today.

Boredom followed by shock.

One more incident comes to my mind. Quite a funny one. It was my sister's husband's cousin's marriage. As usual, in weddings, I get bored. Especially, when there is no one to talk to or anyone to look at. Usually, there is no escape from the monotony and boredom of watching the proceedings.

I was sitting on a chair at the back of the hall with my parents. My parents, some relatives, and me.... we had formed a sort of group and were seated around with our chairs arranged in a circle. I was listening to everyone, but somehow nothing was being registered in my mind (why? its obvious....I was horribly bored!!). It was as if, I was a patient, recovering from an illness.

When someone speaks to a patient, it takes sometime for his brain to register what is being said to him. That was precisely, what was happening to me. I was feeling drowsy and bored and hence all my actions had become involuntary and mechanical. If someone said anything I would nod or say hmm....or would smile if I saw others laughing or say oh! if someone else said anything. I was in a trance - like state. While I was in this state, my attention was wandering towards a relatively fat man, who was sitting near our 'circle'. The man was leaning back from his chair, such that the two hind legs of the chair were on the ground, but the front two legs were being swung up and down by him, just as a kid loves doing it. As I was watching him, it happened at a flash of a second. The plastic chair, unable to support the fat fellow's weight, gave way, snapped loudly and the next instance the man fell down with a loud 'dhop!'

This sound brought me back to my senses. If it wasnt for the fellow falling so hard....it would have been funny.For a moment, the whole hall had gone silent. He seemed to be shocked too..he was sitting on the ground with his hands splayed !!!

My mom asked me to help the man back to his feet (Mom seemed to be a bit startled too.....coz she didnt realise the fact that I would'nt be able to help the man to his feet......I was'nt even half his size !!!).

But sometimes, when you are shocked and before that you have been in a state of boredom.....you tend to listen to people mechanically....without thinking....just like I explained in the earlier paragraph.

So I got up and moved towards the guy....but by then someone (2 people....1 wasnt sufficient) had already helped the man to his feet.....

I had already reached the spot.....and quite stupidly not realising what I was doing....I picked up the pieces of the plastic chair and gave them to the man !!! It was an awkward moment when the man took the pieces of plastic......he must be wondering how my mind had been affected despite of him falling off his chair !!!

What was he going to do with those pieces ? Join the chair again with superglue?

Talk about being 'affected' by boredom followed by a shock !!!

Whenever I remember this one....I laugh my guts out !!

People whom you'd like to please.

There are two categories of people you'd like to keep happy.......one category comprises of people around you.....family, friends, bosses, seniors, clients etc.

The other category is yourself....

I think you can never please the former.........might as well try and keep the latter happy !!!

Sniper.

Not necessarily the tallest and strongest man in the company. In fact, generally quite the opposite. Slim and lean and light. Perfectly built for stealth. Eyesight like a hawk..........sharp and clear. Reflexes like a leopard....not a fraction of a second lost in responding to a stimulus of the eye....

The accurate synchronization between the eye and the index finger.....spotting a small movement with the eye.....and squeezing the index finger to fire a single lethal crack shot....which would instill terror in the minds of the enemy.

Favouring the dark and discrete places...turning a seemingly harmless ruin of a building or a heap of rubble, into an attack zone. Moving without the slightest sound, the tiniest movement not visible to even the most observant of fellow and enemy soldiers. Scanning around for every uneven surfaces, for any rock that might be a helmet, for any different coloured piece of earth, that might be the camouflaged enemy....for anything that didnt blend naturally with the surroundings.

A machine gunner spraying the open grounds with bullets killing hundreds....maybe thousands of soldiers...only to be licked by the slug fired by the marksman sitting a quarter of a mile away.....hidden by an innocent looking rock or by a deep bush swaying in the wind.

How it seemed to the one who was fired upon.....cannot be told by anyone.....it can only be imagined.

A flash of muzzle....and blackness. No pain....no suffering.

Those were soldiers....who were called snipers. Who were revered by their own. And who terrorized their foe.

A salute to all those sharp shooters in the war.

Godspeed Vs Trainspeed.

So nothing much happened on my second trip to a place called Allahabad......nothing on the work front. Cant say the same for the travel part of it.

Started on the 21st of October, at 12 noon. It was a 3.30 PM flight to Delhi. This time, I wasnt alone. It was me, a colleague from another department and our project manager. I am a young man, in my mid 20s. The two others were a bit older than me. The colleague (lets call him A) is in his late 40s. The PM is a 60 odd fellow. By 60 odd, I mean that he is 60 years of age and very odd !! The flight took off and landed on time. We took a prepaid cab to NDLS (New Delhi Railway station) Reached on time and had our dinner on time. We reached the entrance of the railway station where they show the train status. We were travelling by a train called, Chandigarh-Allahabad super special, scheduled to leave at 8.50 PM. They call it super special just because its a monday-wednesday-friday train. Humph! Big deal. As if its a palace on wheels kind of train..........super special and all.

Now, this super special train was'nt to be seen on the status board. So we could not know the platform no. And then when I asked at the enquiry counter, the man told me, the platform no. would be announced. Nobody else could tell us the platform no. Now, at NDLS there are a total no. of 16 platforms. Its not possible for a young man to run from platform 1 to platform 14 or 15 in just a matter of minutes, so let alone, it being possible for a young man and two old people. We lingered around on the overbridge near platforms 7 and 8, so that it would be possible to walk quickly to both ends of the station. The train was announced on platform 9, so we were quite lucky. It arrived around half an hour late and stopped for just 3 minutes.Got on and went to sleep on my berth. Next morning, we came to know that the train was also running late.....very late. In fact the delay was so much that we arrived at allahabad 4 hours late than the scheduled arrival.

We attended half days work there. I wouldnt like to say anything more about the next two days, except that no work could be done.

On the second day, we tried but could'nt get a tatkal booking on any train except one particular 'magadh express' which runs from Islampur to New Delhi. We had to catch the train at 0100 hrs (Sunday early morning, 25th October.) on Allahabad station So we set off at 12 oclock at night to catch our return train. On reaching station, the status was showing a 1 hour delay. It was a cold night and I had to sit in the freezing cold on a wooden bench. I had a cup of tea which kept me warm, somewhat. As me and our project manager were travelling together, I asked him if he wanted a cup of tea. He refused. But at the next minute, he told me that he was going to sit in the upper class waiting room as he was feeling cold!!!

The one hour delay turned to 2 hours and my Wilbur Smith novel was coming to an end. While I was worried what would happen if I had nothing to read for the long journey, the PM was worried that we would miss our Sunday afternoon 1615 flight as our train itself was delayed. He kept saying that we would miss the flight if we were late at NDLS (He was stating the obvious). After a while, I became tired of his constant bickering and went around the station to roam alone and had another 2 cups of tea. The train arrived at 0345 hrs in the morning.....a full 2 and a 3/4 hours delay. We boarded the train and went off to sleep. When I woke up, I found that the PM had started his bickering commentary again. He had called half a dozen airline offices and had even blocked tickets for some monday morning flights (all flights after the 1615 flight on sunday were booked.). After this he called up our Delhi guest house and booked 2 rooms for sunday night for us. After doing all this stuff, he started his bickering again and this time there was no escape for me, as there is not much scope to roam around in the train !!! Still, I had a few pleasurable minutes, in which I stood near the train door, with the wind blowing on my face and the sight of the large and green farmlands of Uttar Pradesh. At 12 noon we were at Aligarh....from where NDLS is around 2 hrs time. Seeing Aligarh, somewhat soothed my PM and he stopped his commentary and settled down. But as we passed Ghaziabad....the train started slowing down....and the PMs BP started increasing again. I had tried my best to reassure the PM that it was ok, we would reach on time and we would be able to catch the flight and that if we did not reach on time, we could stay at New Delhi and start off the next morning. But by Ghaziabad, I had exhausted all my patience and was cursing him in my mind for being such a worrisome idiot. The train stopped at Tilak bridge. It was 2 o'clock noon. One of our co-passengers told us that we could get off there itself and go to the main road which was some distance away. We got off the train. But as we did, the train started moving. I tried telling the boss that we should now NOT get on to the train as it would stop some distance ahead again. But he told me to board the train again. We boarded the train.....but predictably it stopped just some 100 meters away again. I was looking ahead at the signal, when the PM told me that both of us should get off the train again !!! This time there was no station platform. And I had to help the old man with his luggage through the elevated doorway. We climbed down, crossed another rail track and came to a platform which was being newly constructed. Beyond this was a small road which led to the main highway. There was no other way to cross the platform, except to climb it or walk back to where it ended which was quite some distance away. I was waiting for my boss to make the call, whether he wanted to walk back to the place where there was no obstruction in our path or to climb up the platform, which was very easy for me but difficult for him, as he is old. But he told me to climb the platform. I climbed it, pulled his luggage up and gave him a hand. Gripping my hand, he managed to pull himself up. We went on to the main road and found a cycle rickshaw. I told him to get us to the nearest taxi stand. It was just round the corner. The taxi driver, seeing our emergency condition (amply exhibited by the PM, who was nearly bouncing with worry by now. I was getting slightly alarmed, wondering whether he seriously had some kind of hypertension problem !!) put a hefty fare, on which we finally agreed. Better be on time and pay some extra than be late and pay an even greater charge of flight cancellation!! The taxi driver took us to the airport on time (by 3 o'clock) and ultimately we were left with quite some time in our hands. As we checked-in.......the flight status changed..............

It now showed a delay of 1 hour !!!

So much for reaching the airport on time !!! After this the PM had new subjects of complain. The hefty charge of taxi fare, the flight delay, the train delay. How the train delay would have affected our flight. How the flight cancellation would have affected our futures !! How he had never been in circumstances like these..and how a lot of money is wasted due to these matters (He was talking as if its his money....and it wasnt. Its company's money !!) And once again, I left him alone to his complaints.....and started roaming around on the IG domestic airport.

Thankfully, after this the flight landed on time, and there was no traffic in mumbai.

P.S: I had suggested, at around 1 o'clock.....that we should check the flight status, whether the flight itself was late......The PM did not heed my advice then.....

Wild imagination

The odd looking, heavy, cumbersome, , once very popular scooter.....Bajaj chetak. My dad had a chetak and he stills swears by it. Frankly, those scooters never really appealed to my eyes. The hand gears reminded me of the autorickshaws and it was once a delusion for me that rickshaws were actually modified versions of Bajaj chetaks. This, combined with my childish imagination, as to how the rickshawwallas actually 'built' those rickshaws make up a surprisingly funny streaming video in my mind, a bit blurred, as I made up the video in my mind when I was a kid and its got a bit fogged up as the years passed by !!

I used to imagine that the rickshawallas had a saw at home or in their garage. They used to saw off the rear wheel of their bajaj chetaks. Then after this they sawed off the front portion containing the handle assembly. They also sawed off the front headlamp. Then they used to buy this 'box' which was available in the market .....(I had seen a nearby garage where an old rickshaw frame was probably being painted or something .....led me to think that those autorickshaw frames....or boxes ....were available in market.) You joined the handle assembly, the front headlamp and put up a front seat and a backseat and a meter, stick up those, maybe with fevicol inside the box, put the wheels, and VOILA!!! There we have.....an autorickshaw !!! I didnt know how the crank in the autorickshaw worked, but used to think that it must be fun, pulling that 'stick' to start the engine. I remember asking dad, if he could install a hand crank instead of the 'kick' starter in our own bajaj chetak !!!

Those times are long gone, when imagination could go as wild. Bajaj chetaks have gone out of production and autorickshaws dont have hand cranks anymore !!!

Youth and old

Like this quote from a harry potter book....

'Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young.'

Just liked the quote. Nothing against old people (although I have a lot of reasons to feel that way !!)

Bordi

I'll remember my trip to Bordi for two things. For one, when we went to the beach to enjoy the water, we found out, much to our dismay that the tide had receded so much that the waves could not even be seen at the horizon. Determined to check out as till where the tide had receded, we started walking towards the waters. We walked on for what seemed to be like minutes and minutes. When we finally reached the water, I felt like I had walked miles. If I hadnt known better, I would have assumed that I have reached a middle eastern or an african country from the coastline of konkan, just by walking !!! The second thing for which I would remember the trip would be because of the fun time we had, even though we didnt see much of the sea. Bordi is a coastal town in the dahanu region. It is almost on the maharashtra gujarat border. It is near the town of Sanjan, which is one of the earliest parsi settlement in india. In fact, it is said that the parsis (native persians, iran was earlier known as persia) came by boat from persia and landed somewhere near this very town of sanjan where they settled.
Predictably, Bordi has a lot of parsis, apart from the gujarati population.
For our trip, we started off from our homes at around 11 in the morning. It was the beginning of a long weekend and hence no one wanted to move their lazy asses by earlier than 11 o'clock. There were four of us.....Rohit, me, Irfan and Rohan. It was in rohan's car that we made our journey. From Thane-Ghodbunder road to dahisar check naka, we made our way to the western express highway. After paying around half a dozen tolls on the way, we stopped near a 'vithal kamath' hotel on the highway, near the Palghar turn. Food was good, service was quick. After lunch, I took the steering wheel. We made a left at charoti village, went towards dahanu. From dahanu to Gholwad there was a small regular road, but with lot of potholes. It seemed like I was taking the car through all the potholes !!! But then, to be fair, it wasnt that way. The road was full of them and I wanted to reach bordi as fast as possible, as we did not know the distance. We reached gholwad, which is the last major railway station in north konkan, before gujarat. From Gholwad to Bordi the road was a coastal one, beautiful and scenic, every bit of it offering a view of the sea, or otherwise surrounded by palm trees, or by arching banyan trees, or upright sur trees. We arrived at Bordi at around 3 PM. Checked into a hotel. After chillaxing in the evening with a walk on the beach (there was no water as the tide had receded and we walked towards the horizon in search of water !!!), we came back to the hotel room at around 7 PM. Then we watched TV, had baths and then went out for dinner. We had some very good and tasty fried fish and then finished it off with some sev puri, chinese food and ice creams. We came back to our room, stretched out on the beds. We watched an old rajesh khanna flick and laughed at his absurd style of dancing and discussed how mumtaz (actress in that flick) was one of the sexiest actress of those times !!! We went to sleep after some chatting and woke up after a very good sleep.
Thing to be noted about Bordi, is that, its a very quiet place. I wont make false praises by saying that the beach is beautiful. In fact, its quite unclean. Bordi has quite a lot of schools and colleges. My grandfather was educated in a school in Bordi. On the way back, I took some pictures of his school and its playground. Something for my grandpa to remember 'the times'.
As for me, I record this post as something for me to remember 'the times'. The times when I am having the maximum fun with friends, the kind of times which I dont think have come in the past and the kind of times, I dont think will come again ever after in my lifetime.
We came back to mumbai at around 4 PM in the evening, on the next day. Didnt get to see what we wanted to, didnt get to see something upto our expectations, but still had a lot of fun, nevertheless !!!!

Music vs Lyrics

Ravan has tagged. I'll take it. Music vs lyrics. Interesting topic.
I dont know actually. I seem to be the 'music' kind of guy too. Music is what comes to the ears first. In fact, for me, its difficult to make out the lyrics at all, when I hear the song for the first time !!! This is either due to the unclear pronounciation, or because I am unfamiliar with the way singers fit the words into the groove of the tune, so that its sometimes difficult to make out the lyrics. I know nothing about rock music lyrics.....I dont like to hear much of rock.
But there are some old hindi songs of which, I love the lyrics. But, I tend to appreciate the lyrics, when I am in a mood to do so. I appreciate the lyrics and then appreciate the lyricist and his poetic abilities. In general I do a lot of easy listening, and hence I would agree that while music is universal, lyrics have a barrier of language and comprehensibility. Why, I even love some bengali and goan tracks too, even though I dont know bengali or goan !!!

Winning.

Winning is not only about participating. It is about putting in your best, coming out of the worst and forging ahead of the rest !!
Winning is winning and you cant win if you keep on whining.
Winning is like the peg of whisky which gives you a high.
Winning is better than losing, even if failure is the first step to success. If you win once and keep winning you dont come across the first step at all !!
Winning is the ingredient which adds flavour to life.
Winners never weep, losers may.
If you think you'll win, half your job is done, but then, think again.

Kimaya.

Poem dedicated to Kimaya- my little niece.

Kimaya is sweet, Kimaya is cute,
Kimaya is a darling, Kimaya is a beaut.

Kimaya is fair, Kimaya in a chair,
Looks very much, like a teddy bear.

Kimaya is chubby, Kimaya is tubby,
Kimaya becomes giggly, and rolls on her tummy.

Kimaya loves trees, Kimaya loves places,
Kimaya has the ability, to make many faces.

Kimaya is a tilu tom,
Kimaya is a danger don,
Kimaya is a star, whose already born.

Hahaha.......

bhagwan deta hai to chapar phad kar

For the past one month, I get the feeling that I aint having a very good time. As in, I am not in the right state of mind. The feeling had swelled, this week. For the past month, I havent been in the best of my health, aint getting any good work in office, I have had a lot of run-ins with people around me, have yelled at two or three people, had disagreements with another two or three, bribed one against my own wishes, have been caught by the traffic police for breaking the driving-with-helmet law, have heard things from people, about me which I wouldnt like to hear or which I am hurt to hear them. It is said that 'bhagwan deta hai to chappar phad kar.' True, I am forced to say. I havent even been able to fix a tubelight which is not working at home !!! Downhill they say. I'd say this is a dive !!! Today, the realisation has hit me......that I am feeling frustrated from a few days. Not a big problem, of course. I am sure all of us have these 'downslide' times and they could be much horribler than what I've been through, as some of us might feel.
Tommorow is another day. And things couldnt get worse, could they? If they do, I'd know the times are continuing. If not they'll be good.

P.S: My granny fractured her wrist when we were visiting the birla temple at alibaug. I had taken them to the temple. It was my idea. Not that I blame myself for that of course. But it just makes the list of unlucky events in the course of the past month longer. (But then, my granny argues saying that, it was lucky that she didnt fracture her leg !!! She would have lost her mobility then !!! At least she's able to move around !!!)

Melodramatic poem.

Yeh jawani kabhi naa aayegi,
Naa aayegi kabhi ye zindagi,
Kisi ki hoti hai jaise aapno se bandagi,
Hamari to bas apne jawani se hi dillagi.

Hai abhi itna josh ki duniya jeet lenge,
Mushkile aayengi to date rahenge,
Akele hai kaafi, akele saamna karenge,
Aasu aaye to bhi khud pi lenge.

Jeena hai is umeed par,
Ki haasenge zindagi bhar,
Phir bhi darte hai pal pal,
Ki budhapaa aana hai kal.

Door kahi rahenge woh sapne,
Khud ke bhi naa rahenge apne.
Log kahenge, buddhe jaa be,
Sadak ke beech mein naa aa re.

Yeh jawani kabhi naa aayegi,
Naa aayegi kabhi ye zindagi,
Kisi ki hoti hai jaise aapno se bandagi,
Hamari to bas apne jawani se hi dillagi.

-by me

Things to do when you dont have work in office.

With recession on, our company is having a tough time. One of the projects, on which I was working got over. So from 2-3 days, I am having less work or almost no work to do.
Things to do when you are in office and have no work to do.....

1) Shoot a rubber band: Try shooting a rubber band at the coffee cup on your desk. Fasten one end of the rubber band at the tip of your middle finger and the other end should be fastened to the edge of the thumb and form a sort of gun like shape with your fingers. Now take proper aim and bend your thumb to let go the rubber band with a zap !!! When your experienced enough....try shooting a colleague whose been overtly annoying to you.

2) Have coffee: The vending machine is a life saver at times. You'll feel drowsy after lunch in the afternoons. And with no boss to light up your arse, the coffee pleasantly lights up your senses so that you stay awake !!

3) Filing: Always a trick to make you look like you are working. Actually you are just punching papers and keeping them in files. If you work in a engineering consultancy, paperwork is lot and sometimes, tension free work like filing can make you look like you are doing a lot of work, while actually you are just doing a job of book keeping, quite important, but not as important as the actual work !

4) Come up with an administration or an office safety idea: This is a good one. People who really feel that the idea could improve things, do give ideas on a regular basis and these ideas are implemented many a times. For timepass, you could come up with a totally useless idea, which sounds good, but cannot be implemented for practical purposes. Prepare a detailed report and include details like how the idea can improve things and its benefits. For example, if the desks in your offices have sharp edges, suggest that rounded edges would be preferable for office desks, for purposes of safety. Knowing the cost of replacing the sharp edge tables, or the carpentary work involved in rounding the edges, the safety team wouldnt do it. Instead, they'll tell people to be more careful !!!

I tag my readers to suggest 4 ideas for ' things to do when you dont have work in office'

I like this para.

Like this one paragraph in the song mere haath mein....from fanaa..
Dont know why, though

Rone de aaj hamko do aankhen sujaane de
Baahon mein lene de aur khud ko bheeg jaane de
Hain jo seene mein qaid dariya woh choot jaayega
Hain itna dard ke tera daaman bheeg jaayega

Rani.

Dogs are considered to be a man's best friend. And very much true to this they are the most faithful creatures a man could ever tame. Once you take a dog under your care, he'll go miles with you...... all the way. He'll be with you day and night, he'll guard you with all his ferocity, he'll play with you as long as you like, he'll fetch a stick if you want to, he'll catch a ball if you make him, he'll even jump in a well if you do or if you want him to. That's a dog for you. Amazing thing is that man uses 'dog' or 'bitch' as a derogatory and accusatory term !!! Thats mankind for you.

Anyway, I remember the bitch (here I mean to say female dog) on my grandpa's farm. She was a cross breed alsatian. A great dog (ok, ok, bitch.) she was. Her name was 'Rani'. Annoyingly, she used to step her paws on the front of my shirt and wag her tail like crazy. It was her norm when someone familiar came to the farm after a long time. Then she went around circles around you till you finally gave her a gentle pat on her head. Later on, when we used to sit outside (in the front yard.), she used to come sniffing......tickling your feet with her dirty nose. Then she used to look up expectantly at each of the people sitting there, in turns. Expectantly for what? Then, when you would gently pat her head and she would lazily close her eyes, enjoying it. I used to pull her ears just for fun. She used to enjoy munching on a biscuit we call as 'butter'

In the summers she used to enjoy the shade of a particular neem tree which was planted in the front yard of the farm house. Like all dogs and me, she particularly enjoyed snoozing at any time of the day. She was as fierce when any cattle strayed off in our farmland. Its quite something to see big creatures like cows being chased of by comparatively pint sized creatures like dogs!!! She used to accompany any of us when we roamed around in the farmlands. There was a time when my grandpa was roaming around in the field. He stopped to look around.....as he looked up front he saw her clawing around at something slithering. She had actually saved grandpa's life by scaring off a snake which had crawled near grandpa's feet !!!

Later on she gave birth to a litter of puppies, two of which were kept on the farm....Rest were sold off. The puppies live on, have grown quite a lot now.
Rani died a couple of years ago, living to a ripe old age. The neem tree in the farmhouse frontyard was hit by lightning that very year and fell.